My thoughts

work - dreams = job

2008-03-30T22:34:00.002+08:00

Ever since I started work, I have been really busy. Now, it has been almost two years and I still do not have enough technical or professional experience to move to better pasture. True, I got a nice boss, nice colleagues, nice environment and pay; but like my fellow church mates said; " Your blessings has become a curse."

My pay experience ratio is totally out of proportion and is gradually leading to my demise. Friends now and then still comment "Wow, you have such an easy job and high pay, how I wish I can be at your position" But is that what you really want? I'm not saying that getting more money is not good. With the extra money, you can do a lot of things; saying traveling around or taking better care of your family. But, not at the expense of your own dream.

This is now where I am, at the cross road. Hold my current job, do what is needed to be done and pray that GOD will help me find a place where I belong? Or take a pay cut, strive for my dreams and hope for the best that it will enable me to feed my family; and not a small boy's dream that ends up more or less a nightmare.

An update on my life

2007-06-13T22:38:00.000+08:00

It has been a very long time since I wrote something on my blog. In fact, it is over two months and I’m amazed that there are still people who still visit my little hut to find out if I had wrote anything.

Well, this will be just an update on what has happened in the last two months. It was a roller coaster ride for me, both mental and emotional. After a sorrowful February and March, I finally decided to pick myself up. April was the month that I finally graduated from varsity and I should be happy, but reality was that it was not meant to be for me. My family did not want to take a family portrait nor wanted to attend my ceremony initially. The reason was not that they were not proud but it was just too troublesome. But after much persuasion, they finally gave in.

I started to try singing in KTV with some of my friends. My first session made me realized how horrible I was in singing. But the main problem was that it was during that time that I started to drink alcohol more regularly. Only then did I realize that my heart was never healed and I just kept the pain deep within me. The pain was unbearable and I kept going to Miss Alcohol for comfort. I did not get dead drunk on any of my drinking session but it was only through alcohol that my body could truly relax.

In May, I have begun cutting down on my alcohol intake and took up CCNA to keep me busy during the weekend. I started to pick up bowling on a more serious level and spent many evenings training with my own ball. Though the feeling still lingers, I hope that time will heal my heart and allow me to move on.

I am still looking for an IT job and it had been almost six months without any luck. Will my dream to become a network security engineer ever come true?

Used and thrown away

2007-04-04T23:25:00.000+08:00

Everything was done but was it ever accepted?
Left out in the cold despite the spark being created.

What you see is what you get?
Or maybe everything you see was never existed?

A half empty or a half fill glass?
But then again, was there anything in the first place?

what have I done to deserve this

2007-03-11T15:48:00.000+08:00

Why these things have to happen to me? I am much needed when you are in overseas; but when you are back, you simply ignore me. Am i just a person whom you can talk to when you are alone in a foreign land? To think that everything I have done means nothing to you. That your other friends are more important to you when none of them came to you when you need much support.

Maybe the way I woo you is incorrect, but remember this. I may not be the most suave person around; may not be the kind of guy you want. You want a guy that is able to sweep you off your feet like those in the past, but at least I'm faithful.

Friends

2007-02-15T23:05:00.000+08:00

It had been a very long time since I had last written my blog. Life had not been easy for me in my new company. My boss did not really like me and had been giving me problems. My new job, though highly paid, had been degrading my brain cell to the level that I no longer am able to remember things as well as I used to be. I had not read a newspaper, went around looking for new IT products, watching new drama or anime and new happenings for the last six months. Even my spoken and written language had degraded (not that it was any better before) Sigh.

Work has changed my mindset on friends. School friends, be it in your secondary, polytechnic or even university days are so important. You are most unlikely to have any lasting friends within your offices and the only people whom you can rely on are those that had spent time playing, studying and going out together with you. Sad to say, I have none. With my disabilities, attitude and inability to converse have given friends that amount to less than the number of fingers that I have. I'm really worried about how am I going to survive the rest of my life without friends. I did a big mistake since young and paying dearly for it.

My current life, without friends, had been revolving around a gal that I liked a lot. A gal that I had spent so much money on. Not that I am using money to lure her into my arms but because she is unable (more like unwilling) to spend that much since I been asking her out. Sad to say, I'm more like money tree to her then anything else. I seriously do not mind nd all I ask for is for her to just give me a chance. Most of the my friends advised me to stop doing that as I'm just wasting my time, effort and money on a person who do not even appreciate me at all. Well, I'm blinded by her.

But without any friends, what am I supposed to do? Without hope, will I become a drug addict like those in the movie "protege"'?

Movie review: Confession of pain

2006-12-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

On Christmas day, I went to watch the movie: Confession of pain, starring Tony Leung and Takeshi Kaneshiro. This story started out with two cops who were really good friends, on a stakeout of a serial rapist. The scene of the dead lady was a bit gruesome with Tony hitting the criminal's head a few times before the shot was cut. The following scene was how Takeshi's girlfriend committed suicide, which led to his leaving of the police force and becoming an alcoholic. A stark difference from the first scene.

The story moved on to a few years later where the real story plot really starts. Tony, being an avenger, started killing people while Takeshi became a private eye. Takeshi became involved when Tony's wife's dad was murdered by Tony. What's the reason?? Go watch it to find out why!

What impressed me was how the movie was shot. Since the director was the same guy that shot Infernal Affairs and Initial D and having watched all three Infernal Affairs movies; I was expecting a similar film style from the director. The usage of black and white scenes, flash backs, narration and the movement from the past to the present was very well done. Something that I really enjoy.

The show, I could say needs an acquired taste to understand fully how this movie works. If you are there only for the story plot, you will be missing the real essence of the movie. The show despite only two hours, seemed a bit of a drag. With a uncomfortable seat and the need to answer nature's call; I really felt that the show did not wish to end.

The show, overall is good. An excellent story plot, good scenes and shot seqeuence. In my own movie scale, I give it a 7 out of 10. Do wathc it if you can!!

Pessimistic is what I am

2006-11-25T11:34:00.000+08:00

It has been a very long time since I wrote my blog. Almost three months since I got my new job. A lot things had happened since then. New working environment, new colleagues, new problems, happiness and frustration. Have not been happy with my new job. Feels more like an admin worker than anything else. What do I do, you say? Making new PowerPoint presentation, maintain intranet website and some access database. An wherever I go, my attitude problem kept haunting me, unable to talk, unable to engage with a conversation; it is just a nightmare coming back to haunt me. It is just a matter of time that I get alienated.

Have finally decided to step down from Primers. Finally rose up the white flag. I just cannot see myself doing it anymore. My health is not making my life any easier, my attitude is not the best experience that the students want to see and I have students who think that they are smart alecks; agreeing to my notion on one side and yet not doing it on the other. They really think adults are that stupid? Believing that their generation, being diplomatic means that the adults would not know that you are trying to pull a fast one. You are ten years too young boys! Wake up your bloody ideas when trying to do something like that.

Work? Don’t want to think about it anymore. Seems like the boss don't like me after my friendly heart to heart talk telling him that this job is not suitable for me and I need a bit more responsible rather than mundane task. But, that don't seems to get into his head. To him, more task means more satisfaction. Totally in the wrong frequency man, totally a dud, man. So what am I getting now, work with unreasonable deadline that I need to produce. Too stress to the level that my doctor told me to take a break or I may end up in hospital anytime soon.

Relationship? Not much hope either. Spent so much time, effort and money on someone. Trying my very best to impress but to no avail. Maybe I push my luck too far and ended up being rejected in the most diplomatic way possible. Decided to wait for her three more months but, finally realized that I’m too selfish. That gal needs a break and I'm not giving her space. She managed to tell me a lot of my weakness and that made me wonder why I'm like that. And the best thing is, she more she managed to dig up my weakness and little hurts, the more I feel I not worthy of her. What about that? Self rejection. Ha ha. Am I still waiting? Yes? Probability of getting hitch? 0%. Then why the wait? I don't know. Maybe I just too dumb.

I'm afraid of death, not wanting to end my life; believing that this world has many more experience she has yet to offer but then again, death maybe the only solutions. Born in a strict family, with so many sickness. Destined to die at birth but didn't. Got rejected due to being a mixed blood in my primary school day. Tried too hard to secondary school, ended up being more proud than anything else. Without any social life, poly and university became worse when topics like movies, sports and love is a total stranger to me. If I'm a healthy man, I don't see why I will not become the next Hitler, hating the whole world of giving me such misery. But because I'm a Christian, God has given me the sanity to continue on with my life. And I'm still working hard to be a better man.

But time is not on my side, going to be blind, to be bald and health is not improving. Maybe by the time I'm a better man; I'm also an old and dead man. What a way to finish the last chapter of a person's life....

Money, Part 2

2006-09-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

Really give thanks to the two sister that still care about me. I just wish to clarify some stuff before more people misunderstand my blog. I really do thank the Lord for providing me with the job I am having now. With the kind of pay, I should be able to do almost anything that I want. It is just at this moment in time that everything is making me fed up. Why? Let me explain to you all:

1. Your parents out of a sudden demand you to give them half of your pay.
2. I still cannot treat anyone and people is thinking that I am a miser (which I am not)
3. I really wish to bless Lionel with the amount that he wanted and I'm really sad that I cannot do so.
4. Kenny also want me to bless this trip (which I wish to but cannot).
5. I did not get my first class honour and therefore, my scholarship is gone. ( I now need to try to save up $50,000 asap for my masters).

and many more.

And when you think of these kind of stuff and my current job situation (I may not stay long as I am not given any responsibility as yet), although some are short term; It really frustrate you that you cannot do anything significant even with the pay I am getting. As this is only my first month, all I can do now is to sit down and wait.

Money

2006-09-03T23:55:00.000+08:00

Why must everything got to do with money?

Without enough of them, I cannot do my masters.
Without enough of them, I cannot spending enough without having to think twice about everything.
Without enough of them, I cannot just bless my students generously.
Without enough of them, I will be talked behind my back; saying I'm stingy despite my current pay while they don't even know what is happening in my life.
Without enough of them, I cannot do the things I always wanted to do.
Without enough of them, I cannot give enough to my family just to shut them up so that they don't keep talking about it and we will not quarrel everyday and night.
Without enough of them, I will have to guard myself from friends whom are trying their best to leech on me.
Without enough of them, I will have to take the train and endure the idiots in the train, playing Jay Chow's music loudly; assuming that everyone appreciate it. (or no money to even buy a earphones...)
Without enough of them, I will have to endure the idiots in the train that do not bother to move in so that other people can enter.
Without enough of them, I will have to be pushed around by the idiots, thinking that by reaching the gantry of the MRT station, there will be a prize for the fastest person.

I must work hard and earn hard, so as to bless the people around me and move around easily without ever have to take the train again!!!

Planetshakers!!!

2006-08-24T22:12:00.000+08:00

The Planetshaker's concert was the next big thing in 2006 for most Christians apart from the Hillsong concert that was staged a few months ago. When the day arrived, I was extremely excited as it was the first time that I was attending a pop concert. The other reason was because the primers were also attending! It was one of those rare chances that all the students and officers were able to let their hair down and dance the night away.

The concert was scheduled at 1930 hrs, but by 1830 hrs; a long queue was forming at the Max Pavilion. Hordes and hordes of crowds were gathering all around, chattering and laughing as they slowly edged their way to the entrance of the hall. The atmosphere was electrifying. All of us were there early as we did not wish to sit all the way to the back of the hall.

In the hall, there were two miniature reverse bungees. The kinds where you need a trampoline to jump instead of free falling from high above. We were all at the left side of the stage and were cheering the guys who were daring enough to do somersaults on the reverse bungees. Apart from that, we were taking photos and drawing on each other arms, faces and hair with white crayons or pens so that we would be illuminated by the ultraviolet lights.

When the show started, everyone in the hall went wild. The music was amazing and we were grooving to the music; singing and jumping. Everyone were jumping and shouting at the top of their lungs for all the song. It was a pity that the concert was only an hour and a half long as we did not want it to end. But as what most people say; "All good things must come to an end" and we left around 2200 hrs.

Well, that was not the end of the event for the night; most of us headed towards Bedok hawker centre to have our supper and chatted away about the concert. It was till the time for the last train that we ran to catch the ride home....Zzzz.............

The eye of the storm?

2006-08-17T21:12:00.000+08:00

Life's had been good in my new company so far. Maybe it is due to the fact that I am still having orientation and have a lot to learn. The shipping industry is pretty new to me, with many jargons and abbreviations for different things and business processes. I got to know a few more of my colleagues and having lunches with them. Though still a bit distant, I am working hard to gain their friendship and trust. The sad thing was that I got carried away during lunch today. Went shopping today, bought two more shirts and a belt. Didn’t know the demands of looking smart costed so much....sigh.....

First day of work.....

2006-08-14T20:52:00.000+08:00

Today was the first day of my new company. Spent a lot of time knowing the people around me despite not being able to remember all their names. Took me two hours just to shake everyones' hand. Had a tour of the office, was a nice place with good view towards Sentosa. Tomorrow will be another day of orientation and also having a meeting with the big boss of the entire centre.

Sigh, do not have enough shirts to wear and no money to buy more....very sad about it. On the bright side, I will be having a team building event overseas this coming Sep 1. Can't wait for it!!

Interviews..

2006-08-01T09:18:00.000+08:00

I went for my second job interview yesterday. It was at harbor front tower two and I got lost as labeling of the building as quite misleading. Luckily I was there early and with a bit of help from the security guards, I managed to reach my destination. In the interview, everything went on as usual. Asking for your strengths, weakness, expectation, life goals and many others. The only surprise was that the job scope given by the agency was a bit too short and true enough; it was only 2 of the 17 given by the company. The list was seriously admin based and some manual work, but what the heck, it my first job and who knows, I may get to learn some new stuffs. Well, I can only wait for the job offer letter.

Take the City Walk

2006-07-31T10:00:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday was the Take the City Walk. It was an extremely early event for me personally as I had to get up at 4am just to meet my friends for breakfast at Tanjong Pagar market before meeting up with my students. Once we reached the market at around 6 in the morning. I was amazed that they were hardly any shops opened. Since we had little choices to make, I decided to have mee and fried bee hoon for breakfast.

I reached the appointed meeting place at 0645hrs. I had another shocked within an hour as I hardly see any of my students over there. I was supposed to meet up with at least 30 students to bring them for the walk. I was seriously thinking that my head will roll when Kenny find this out even though this is my first event that I am leading after nearly 9 months of break (after the Sri Lanka trip).

In the end, there were 20 students. I do believe that it was God's plan since this is my first time and I do not know any of the year 1 students at all. 20 is a good number as I will be able to mingle with at least half of the students and get to know them better. And with the extra help of Guo Jun and Vimel (my two of the most capable students), everything should not be a problem.

At the padang, everyone was sleepy and seems to be in a bad mood. I was contemplating how do I going to go up to the students and make up a conversation. That was the problem that had been hindering me for many years. But I managed to warm up my self and did some funny stuff with Guo Jun and Vimel. But as the time went by, I started to crack really lame jokes and start being crappy.

Maybe it was due to my lack of sleep, That was the only time anyone will ever see me crap as I'm usually very serious. And boy did I crap, I was with two gals, Virainia and Mei Yun. I really pity them as they had to face the full force of my crappiness. And Mei Yun did no justice to herself as whatever that she said was literally shot down by me. She actually thought our national stadium was called padang stadium and that really started the ball rolling. We had jokes like calling Virainia "Marinda", the sand became the sea, the sea became the sand, Guo Jun nearly became a gal due to the pronunciation of his name and many others.

As we walk through the 5.5km stretch of Marina Bay, I was crapping non-stop. This was really the first time that I had crap so much. I believe that two hours was equivalent to the past two years serving in Primers. But apart from that, (hey, I dun just crap, I sell events too) I managed to find out more of the students, told them about the OSLT, RIO camp, the Planet Shaker's concert and even IPOD. Maybe the anointing for Kenny is coming down to me...haha..

Well, in the end, I managed to find out more of the students. Maybe this year will be a better year for me!!

National Day Preview

2006-07-26T16:50:00.000+08:00

9th Jul 2006, a special National Day Parade (NDP) full dress rehearsal where people were allowed to catch a glimpse for the event.. As the Singapore Polytechnic (SP) Primers were part of the motivator team, we managed to obtain around 75 tickets for the rest of the primer's students to watch their fellow schoolmates in action..

The day started at Kallang MRT, where the students were to gather. Most of them were wearing red and excited of the parade. They were buzzing about on what was going to happen at the stadium. The place was a mess but thank GOD for Diana, Vimel and Jacob for their splendid planning and co-ordination; everything was going according to plan.

By 1615hrs, we started to make our way to the stadium. The entire journey to the stadium took us around 30 minutes due to detours and the crowd. Everywhere you looked; it was just a sea of red t-shirts. We soon got into the stadium with our goody bags and were seated at the south side of the stadium. We were facing directly towards the setting sun, hot and humid but that did not dampen our spirits. The students ran around, chatting with each other and taking photographs.

The show started with a band performance by Electrico, after which came the emcees of Gurmit Singh, Sheik Haikel and Michelle Chia whom split the crown in half for a mini competition, such as making the loudest noise. The show started with a playback of the history of the national stadium. With that, an arrow was sent flying to the giant torch (the torch which was used in the last SEA Games) at the east side to officiate the commencement of the parade.

The parade consists of songs sang by the combined school choir and from Singapore Chinese Project Superstar Kelvin Chen Wei Lian, a 20 sky diving team from the Singapore Commando. A few mass displays, one of which was from the students of Nan Hua High School. This year's theme song was sung by Singapore's very own up-and-coming singer Kaira Gong. Last but not least, one of this year's special items was the preview of the AH-64A/D Apache Attack Helicopter.

The students were having fun, screaming and taking pictures of the parade. There were times where we had a harmony of screams, courtesy of Diana and Shu Xian; and the occasional Jeffrey. The event ended with fireworks where all of us were caught in the rain of gunpowder.

At the end of the entire event, we gathered together with the motivators for group photos

If you got call for a photo shoot by a comany....

2006-07-19T14:22:00.000+08:00

I received a call about a free photo shoot. I called them back and got their company name and did a check on the internet. Thanks God, I came across this thread; otherwise I would have wasted my time. To think that I also got into it despite me myself being an advertising student....sigh.....

Do take a look...

http://forums.clubsnap.org/showthread.php?t=143097

Failed my first job interview....

2006-07-14T15:18:00.000+08:00

Went for a job interview yesterday for a position as a marketing executive. It was a company selling alcahol with very high profit turnover. I was interested since I was able to travel around South East Asia and do what I like best, doing events and marketing campaign. (this is different from sales...) But alas, I was rejected due to my physical disabilities and me being unable to be based overseas for at least five years....sigh....back to my job search again....

Never able to be alone....

2006-07-14T09:49:00.000+08:00

I can never go watch a movie.
I can never go to a pub.
I can never go to a disco.
I can never go to a concert.
I can never go to a New Year count down.
I can never travel overseas.
I can never base overseas.
I can never drive a car.
I can never join the air force.

Never ever...

Cowboy

2006-07-06T12:55:00.000+08:00

A story:

A cowboy came back to his town after being away for so many years. He was happy to be back but everything seems to be amiss. Many had gone away or had passed on. Those that were left, did not seem to know him anymore while the new comers were cautious with him. He was astonished and shock and did not know what had happened since he had left.

He was puzzled but soon aware that he was a wanted for some things that he did not do. While the officer believed him, the mayor did not and the senator did not even know what was happening.

Was it because he was away for too long and was unable to clear his name? Who knows? But he knew that he could not stay here for long anymore....

First day at work

2006-07-03T22:11:00.000+08:00

After two weeks of watching soccer, I finally got a temp job. It started today and I wasn't that keen to start work though. It was difficult trying to tune back to my old bio clock after spending two weeks trying to be an owl and it wasn't even the end of the World Cup!! But hey, I needed the money and I had no choice.

It was back to my old company which I was in one and a half years ago. I had some bad experiences, and that kept repeating in my mind when I made the decision. It was only for two months plus so what the heck.

As usual, the people who knew me came over and asked how was I and blah blah blah...you know...getting updates on my life. Had safety lessons for the whole morning before getting assigned to my department and table. Everything was like I expected. Everybody was quiet and busy doing their jobs. So, I kept quiet and just did my job. Thank God that I had MSN, otherwise I would had spiders on me before the day ended.

****************************************************************************************************************

I was rejected from P&G. Wanted to get that job position as I felt it was something that would be suitable to me, but alas, I was not good enough. So back to the drawing board. :(

Cars

2006-06-19T11:14:00.000+08:00

Went to watch cars last Saturday with a few of my friends. It was something that I really wanted to see since it was the last animated movie for Pixar before going under the wings of Disney. The show was very good and here is my person review.

The animation that was created wasn't as good as Pixar's previous movie. Maybe this was due to the facts all the characters were cars and there were not much curvature to really play around with. The intro was amazing, with cars zipping by and the crowds going wild. The songs that were played went well with the different scenes.

As usual, details in major back drop were not done shabbily. The races of Mcqueen and Hudson was amazing. The movement of the sand in different race scenes were amazing, especially when Hudson did his under steer (or maybe over steer) around the sandy bend. The waterfall scene between Mcqueen and Sally was damn beautiful, so was the grand canyon scene (I believe it was)

The usual puns and jokes are there and so are the background puns. Like "Hostile takeover bank" being the sponsor of Thunder and many others. Large aerial view of the stadium was spectacular, with all the little cars hobbling around. The creators really did their best in making the race event like an American Super Bowl Finals.

With all the animation aside, the story plot was good. Really made you think about the life we are all in. Especially in Singapore, where this country ain't big enough to have countryside to really wind down. Everyone of us are in the rat race and apart from clubbing and killing ourselves with booze, smoke or drug; we don't really have anywhere to wind down. But most importantly is that as we worked, we really lose ourselves and like Mcqueen, sometimes become self centered. An extremely important message in such a simple movie.

Last but not least, please do not leave during the credits and watch out for the cute mosquito cars!!!

It's the time of my life

2006-06-15T11:04:00.000+08:00

Finally, my uni life has ended. This is the time where I see how many classmates that I had got to know end up as real friends. Not that I'm a big shot, but I just wish to know how many actually see past my attitude and gotten to know the real me. From my primary school to polytechnic days, the number of friends that I have got in each phase is close to zero due to my attitude.

As many by now will know through my blogs, I am not the most popular guy but rather, the exact opposite. I have a very bad attitude, stubborn and keep to my opinion rather tightly. I am tactless and very proud. Not that I enjoy being proud but just wish to be recognized by the people around me. Maybe being proud is a self defense mechanism that I have created to protect myself from being joked at. (another crap you say)

I'm not good a making jokes or crapping. Those are some qualities that will make you people friendly and likeable. Qualities that I had always hope to learn but never successful in doing it. Too fierce you are they say. Too serious you are they say. Maybe that is just me.

One of my friend in aussie land told me: "Everybody put up a mask in this world. If you don't, you aren't going to get many friends. I put up my mask too, and my close friends are shocked to see who I really am when I reveal to them my true self. Sebas, if I did not put up mask, I most probably end up like you during the polytechnic days."

If I really do not have any friends during my three years in SIM, maybe I should listen to what he say. Putting up a Noh mask, giving in to this world and walk into the world of deception.

WHY? WHYY?? WHYYY???

2006-06-12T18:01:00.000+08:00

I studied for one whole month, over 10 hours a day and 6 - 7 days a week. I completed almost 70% of all the revision questions for each chapter and each chapter had the range of 25 to 40 revision questions. Remembering over 200 formulas. What is it for? To score almost perfect score of my Management Mathematics paper today. But this will never ever happen....

I blanked out, unable to think for nearly an hour and a half. Everything that I studied was gone. Every questions was like a stranger to me. I panicked and I prayed, but nothing happened. All the remaining formulas that was in my head were a mess and I did not even know If I had used the appropriate one.

I ended up doing only 4 out of the needed 5 questions, and I used the wrong formula for 1 question of the 4. And to make matter worse, I forgotten to write down my calculator model on the answer script! What is the world happening to me?? To get perfect score? My ass!! Getting a pass may almost be an uncertainty.

First class honors? Maybe a third. What the hell did I studied so hard for? To get a miserable third class honors? I should have taken a job rather than wasting 3 years of my time to get such pathetic results. Anybody would had gotten these results with minimal effort. I had to work hard, due to my poor command of English, I needed to work extra hard to achieve what I have now but yet everything went down the drain because of just one paper.

Why on earth did this happened to me when this is the most important paper in my entire course and the highest chance for me to score since it is just a maths paper.

Why??!!

HOOOOO!!! SAY! SAY!! SAY!!! IT IS HARD GAY!!!!

2006-05-25T21:34:00.000+08:00

I got this from my friend. It is a show about a guy named "Hard Gay". I believe this is very popular in Japan and the world over. I just watched it last night and it was damn funny. A bit perverted but seriously very hilarious.

I highly recommend it to all those having exams. It will definably de-stress you!!!

SAY!! SAY!! SAY!! HOOOOO!!!!

American Idol

2006-05-24T23:09:00.000+08:00

I just finished watching the repeat telecast of American Idol on Star World. It was the finals and the two finalists were Katharine Mcphee and Taylor Hicks. Katharine was my choice since Jan or Feb, when I chanced upon the show while having breakfast before rushing to school to do my project. She caught my attention because of her looks, her smile was mesmerizing. I was thinking then, if the winner was solely based on looks, she would have won it hands down.

Well, I did finished listening to the group before making my decision. And it was Katharine and Taylor. And with that, I had not seen the show till May. I am amazed that my first choice was still there. I must say, her vocals are damn awesome. Unbelievable!!

Back to the finals, round 1. Her first song “Black Horse and The Cherry Tree" was good but was totally blown away by Taylor (dun ask me the song title, I didn't try to remember it). I agreed with what Simon had said, she lost round 1 as her song was more like a warm up song for the entire event.

Round 2, her song, "Somewhere (over the rainbow)", theeeee song that got her through the audition stage was also theeeee song that won over Taylor's "Live On". Therefore, they are tied, 1 a piece.

Round 3, this was the round where they sang their debut singles. Katharine was up first, singing "Destiny". She was brilliant at first, but something happened. I didn't know what was it but she was like struggling at the second half of the song. I was really sad when I finished listening to her. I believed that was the reason why Randy said that he did not like the song. The song, Katharine if you ever happen to read this blog, was the one that killed you. Up next was Taylor's turn and he did very well with his. It was no wonder Simon said that he will be the next American Idol. Taylor won it 2 -1.

Though I'm not going to watch the results live later today at 8 AM (Singapore time), I do hope that you will win. If you didn't, believe me, you lost by just a strain of a hair. And that hair, is your last song.

Last but not least, congrates to making it to the top 2!!!

Friends? What friends?

2006-05-21T23:05:00.000+08:00

What are friends? I seriously do not know how to differentiate them anymore. With so many things that have happened in the last few years, I really wonder if they are really my friends..

Friends that only come to you when they have problems?
Friends that dun bother to call you to hang out when they are free?
Friends that only call you out for professional advice, knowing that it is cheaper and throwing you away after getting what they want?
Friends that only need your abilities and not you?
Friends that talk crap: "I wanted to call you last week but I thought you....."
Friends that come out with dumb excuses to defend other friends?
Friends that say you are their best friend but treat you likewise?
Friends that reply to you sms: "sorry but who are you?"
Friends who are too damn busy to reply sms, believing that they are the busiest people in the world (like saving the world?)
Friends that think that they are the king and queen and believe that you need them more than they need you?
Friends that chuck you aside after finding better friends?
Friends that can only talk but unable to help in times of need?
Friends that say "We are one family" and seriously treat you as a stranger?
and many more....

What the ......!! Do I really need them? What's the point? You become more like a beggar to them then a friend.....

Damn sad....Damn sad...

Densha Otoko

2006-05-08T23:17:00.000+08:00

It has been almost two months that I had last wrote anything in my blog. I finally understood why it is so difficult to start blogging again after so many months of inactivity. My counter had dwindled from over 150 visits a week to a mere 30, with the probability of half being visit from companies trying to advertise their products through comments.

My project actually ended on April 18 and I should have kicked start my blog immediately for my faithful readers but it was so hard to do so. You just do not have the mood anymore. Well, I'm glad that I 'm doing it again.

Today's whining is about a Japanese drama that I just watched. It is called "Densha Otoko", a literal meaning: train man. It is about a man who is crazy about anime. His entire life is just anime and anime alone and that made him a bore. He is always locked up in his room, chatting in a chat room for single guys who are like him, also crazy about anime.

He met a lady in a train while he was on his way home from another anime conference of some sort. But due to the lack of communication skill, he was simply unable to have a proper conversation with the lady. Most of his advice came from his net friends and with that, managed to have dates with the lady.

As I was watching the show, I started to think about myself (as usual, self pity). I am now currently where he was, all locked up in my room, doing nothing but just watching dramas and animes. With my current age, I should be going out having fun with friends rather than just wasting hours and hours just sitting there, staring at the computer screen.

Like the show, I am only able to talk nicely and well when I am chatting online, but a total failure when talking to a person face to face. The many years that I had spent on the computer have totally taken away any interpersonal skill that I acquired since young. The once outdoor, energetic boy that loves the sun, sports and making a fool of himself have changed to someone who prefer to be alone, unable to talk or converse his feeling properly and prefer to seek solace with his own imaginary world with the computer.

Am I the only one? Definitely not. If I was the only one, this show will not be produced as it was based on a true story. What is the world changing to? With the advancement of computer science, are we becoming hermits? People who prefer to do things alone and believe that we are all super heroes in our own fantasy world? Sad to say, we are and I don't think we are going to snap out of it unless every computer in the world suddenly just went "poof".

Computerization is the wonder of man's creativity and the pursuit of excellence and efficiency in everything we do, but it will also be the one that cause the biggest downfall of men in human history....

All hail to Computer!!! :(

One more week to go

2006-03-13T09:28:00.000+08:00

Been almost a month again since I last blogged. Life had been really stress as my projects had gone from bad to worse. Nothing seems to be going the right way. Having problem with both my ISP and SEP projects. For my ISP project, I had not started my analysis on my surveys due to a major set back from my other project. For my SEP, my programme had not been done due to installation failure. Wasted four full (12 hours) days trouble shooting but to no avail. Chances of me failing this year is abour 70%.

The only good news that I have is that the school have agreed to extend my deadline for another four days. But these four days are God's grace as with these days, I'm able to attend the G12 conference. I hope that God will really speak to me this time clearly. On my life, my future and my ministry.

All I can do now is to continue to work hard and end this nightmare. I can't wait to serve full time back in Primers. Although I'm not the officer that the student like, (I'm not likable person wherever I go anyway) I will still give it another go and try my best to bring the students to the kingdom of God.

24th of March, here I come.....!

Mental breakdown

2006-02-24T00:06:00.000+08:00

I'm totally lost and do not know what to do...27 more days and I'm only finished a little more than half way through for both my project....been under a lot of stress and I still have other things that I need to do...a wedding, a website, a conference and many more....fell like going to have a mental breakdown soon if not for GOD pulling me through.... I seriously cannot take it anymore...but still need to endure...sigh.....I'm so dazed when I was walking home today that i nearly bulldozed a kid...his mum was looking at me...so what did I do? I just picked the kid up, dust him a bit, left him there without saying "sorry" and crossed the road... I dun even know what I was thinking...no wonder people say I got attitude problem...well...let me say this: if you dun like my attitude...then dun come and make friends with me...I got no bloody time to please you or entertain you....especially in times like these....

Sorry Guys

2006-02-07T14:56:00.000+08:00

Sorry for not blogging for nearly a month. Been very stress doing my FYP. Doing it alone is not easy and I have been facing a lot of problems on the way. I have 1 and a half more months left for my project; so till then, please be patient with me.

I have decided to give a short summary of what have happened in my life for the month of January. I celebrated my birthday on the third week of the month. Had five days of mini celebration. Though my birthday was on wednesday, my close friends celebrated with me on saturday at Surf and Turf Restaurant. We had fun laughing and really enjoyed ourselves. Phylis even managed to get me a small chesse cake for me. On sunday, my open cell members celebrated with me at Singapore Expo before service. I was quite shocked as I did not expected it. On Monday, the primers had a celebration for those born in the month of Jan during our cell group. On Tuesday, my guitar club exco celebrated with me during prayer meeting, and last but not least, on my actual day, one of my friends brought me to have ice-cream at Haagen Daz Well, for once, I had ice-cream during my birthday. Apart from that, had a lot of sms-es from my friends. I will try to put up some photos when I have the time.

At the end of the month, was the yearly Chinese New Year. I was not very keen of it as I do not really like to clean up my room, especially when I am rushing my project. I only got two t-shirts and a pair of jeans for the new year. I did not have the mood to celebrate as my project was way behind schedule and every holiday means that my school is closed and I am unable to study and do my project. As for now, I am preparing for the upcoming guitar concert on the 15th of Feb. It is going to be a very very tight month of feb for me and I really hope that I will be able to make it through...

Life so far...

2006-01-11T12:39:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time since I wrote a blog. Apart from putting a daily verses, I had not done an entry for almost a month. I had been busy in church since the week of Christmas till the first week of January. Having two public holidays on both weekends means that I had a many stuff to help with Danny and his tribe. One of the most tiring day was when we had to pack 6,500 goodies bag for the New year bash on the next following day. It was back breaking as I needed to stand for over 3 hours shorting the bags. As I was on video duty for the Sunday's second service, I decided not to attend Lionel's BBQ session with the rest of the tribe and primers. It was tiring and traveling around Singapore had taken a toll on my body. To travel from one end of Singapore to the other week in week out was bad, and to continue traveling around was killing me.

On Sunday, I was supposed to meet up with the primers at 5 pm to bring them for the New Year's Bash. Kenny and Yao Han were on duty for the bash. Liang Ming was supposed to help out but she was late and I had to managed 28 students in three different places. It was tough but after an hour battle trying, I finally managed to get all of them together and made our way to the Max Pavillion. It was a extended church service and I was quite sad as the student left one by one as time goes on. Thank God for Hui Shan and her gang. They stayed with me till the end. The sad thing was that I did not went with them for supper as I already made an earlier appointment with Yong Chin and the rest for supper and we went to glutton's bay for it.

The rest of January was plain agony. I had to get up every day just to rush my project and hardly had any time for anything else. I spent most of the time doing projects, practising my guitar for the up coming concert and stayed at home watching dramas and resting. I was sick due to a flu bug that had been plaguing me for nearly a month....sigh... Hope it will go away soon....time to go back and do my project...

Daily Verse - 29 Dec 2005

2005-12-29T23:37:00.000+08:00

Daily Verse - 28 Dec 2005

2005-12-28T23:33:00.000+08:00

Daily Verse - 27 Dec 2005

2005-12-27T23:58:00.000+08:00

Daily Verse - 26 Dec 2005

2005-12-26T10:04:00.000+08:00

Daily Verse - 24 Dec 2005

2005-12-24T10:13:00.000+08:00

Daily Verse - 23 Dec 2005

2005-12-23T08:11:00.000+08:00

Daily Verse - 22 Dec 2005

2005-12-22T00:26:00.000+08:00

Daily Verse - 21 Dec 2005

2005-12-20T22:27:00.000+08:00

What a day!

2005-12-16T10:18:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was one of the best days for the last four weeks. Despite having so much stress while doing my project alone, I managed to spend some time with Elizabeth and john. We crapped a lot in the cold room while they were practicing on their guitar and me on my lappy. After that, we went to the school bookshop to check out some book. I did not know that Elizabeth was a "platinum member' over there. What ever that she wants, she will get a discount and the boss in the shop kept recommending books and stuff to her. I really laughed my heart out seeing that. I had not been laughing for a long time. Despite my injured ribs was hurting, I seriously could not help it. After that, went to meet up with Isaac, Jeremy and Joel to test some new jump-break cues. The hit was firm and steady but the power transfer was not really there. I was unable to maximize my full strength on it. But, I had fun playing around the cue for a while.

In the evening, I attended SP Primer's open cell. Nice to hear Kenny shares his life again. His life is always an inspiration to me. I worshipped and was really nice to rest in God's presence. Well, my rib was hindering my breathing while I was singing but I did not really care. My focus was to praise God with all my heart and might. After that, we went to chomp chomp to have our dinner. The place was packed and so, we adjourned to Lionel's home with our food. It was the first time I had dinner with Eve's gals and some chance to get to know that a little bit more. With Kenny, Lionel, Terry and Danny in the house, crappnig session was a sooner than later event…kekeke…. We started joking about some of the guys and gals' bad habit and mimicking them. I laughed so heartily that my mouth almost had cramps. But it was really good. It was a rare chance for me that I could spend time with DE 24 without talking about work and really enjoyed making a fool of ourselves.

By then, it was almost 11pm and Kenny drove some of the primers and I home. In the car, as I looked through the window, wondering when was the last time I had laughed so much. Laughter was almost non-existence since August when my school semester started. When I reached home, I got another surprise, lying on my bed was a letter, from Canada. I immediately knew who it was. It was from Catherine. What amazed me was how she managed to get hold of my address. Anyway, Thank Cat!! I will try to be happy. And seeing your card really made my heart warm and made me to reminisce the good old times in secondary school. Time really flies and 9 years had passed.

Well, that's it, need to pack my stuff for tonight's YEH camp and find a way to lessen the pain on my ribs while trying to have fun with the primers tonight.

sick...again

2005-12-15T10:32:00.000+08:00

This week had been a difficult week for me. (Well, almost every week had been difficult for me.) I had been sick since Monday due to an injured rib and had been having migraine. Due to that, I had been forgetting a lot of stuffs, unable to start my projects properly (9 weeks left) and been listless and blur for most of the time. Currently in school, trying my best to do my project alone despite my head throbbing.

My guitar is spoilt..... :'(

2005-12-08T23:39:00.001+08:00

While changing my guitar strings...one of the nob on my guitar is spoilt.....need to waste money again....how to find money..... how to attend class like that???

Damn Sianz

2005-12-07T13:40:00.000+08:00

All alone in the school lab now.....trying very hard to crack my little brain....finding the right words and ideas for my SEP project....been staring at the computer screen for over an hour....unable to think nor write....sianz....left 10 ten weeks to finish both projects.....sigh.....need a laptop asap or else.....sigh.....with so many events in Dec, Jan and Feb....I really do not have much time to finish my projects....help!!!......Sam, will be joining you in your night endeavors soon....

Life moves on....

2005-12-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

Had been talking to her last week, just found out that she had been lying to me for quite a while now....was very hurt with what she said. With that, finally did some reflection and asked GOD to close that heart of mine of any feelings to anyone and anything as I did not wish to be hurt again. And amazingly HE did, even though I knew it was wrong to do that, but I believed that HE would not have agree to my request unless it was for my own good.

I'm now feeling much better and am able to move on with my life. Am I still talking to her? Yes, but as a friend, no longer as someone who likes her. Impossible you say? Well, this is how great GOD is and nothing is impossible to Him.

I will be trying my best to finish my blog on the rest of my Sri Lanka trip asap since I will be switching to full throttle for my studies and ministry...so guys and gals, watch out for more stories on my trip in this space!!!

Thanks!

2005-11-29T23:13:00.000+08:00

Just wish to say sorry to everyone that have being worried about me and my life. I'm ok now and am back on track, just need a bit more time to adjust my focus before re-engaging my full gear. For those who are interested, I'm still in Primers. The only thing difference is that I'm no longer working, therefore will be a very poor student. Currently, I just wish to concentrate on my studies and finish the last three months of my varsity life.

Thanks everyone!!

My Sri Lanka Trip - Day Seven

2005-11-28T15:37:00.000+08:00

Sunday and yet this is the first time that we were to be up before sunrise. We were required to get up at 5 am, as we need to attend a Sunday service at 6:30 am. I was exhausted and almost unable to get up. I slept at 2 am the night before and due to the limited space on the floor. I really had to sleep dead straight. Thus, my entire body was aching. Apart from that, due to numerous number of insect bite on both my leg. I could barley walk. I was in pain every step I take. Thank God that I could bear with it. When I got up, I soon found out I killed a couple of flies, a baby cockroach and some other insects that I did not know of. Seems like I was moonlighting, that was, to be a sleeping insect killer.

After our breakfast, we went across the road to the church. I could see that many villagers were already there. When I entered the church, I found out that guys and gals were not allowed to sit beside each other. The guys were to be sitting on the right, gals on the left, those with baby at the back. I was sitting in the centre of the walk way as I need to up and down to film what was happening in the service. Many children were as curious as a cat, crowding behind me, looking at my viewer and trying to understand what this yellow skin guy was doing.

The service soon started and we were singing Tamil worship song. I felt that the worship was more like a catholic worship service as the worship leader sang, paused, read scripture and sang again. I was observing my surrounding, trying to take in as much information as my tired brain could so that I would be able to keep these memories in my brain forever. I was able to feel the presence of God in the small church and that gave me new strength. For this service, Lionel was invited to sing a Christian song in English, which was very touching. (Sorry but I could not remember what song he sang) while Yao Han gave a short sharing to the villagers.

After that, we had a proper sermon by Pastor Sandrapilla and was translated by his son, Saraban. Apart from giving his sermon, I was amazed that he scolded some of the villager who came late. If I were able to remember properly, he said that they needed to be punctual for service, regardless how far they stayed, if need be, they were to get up as early as possible to walk that few hours just to reach church on time. I thought to myself: "Tell that to us Singaporean and chances are, we will still be late and be able to come up with the most unbelievable excuses" I smiled at my own thought and one of the village boys was staring at me, wondering. kekeke.

After service, we started our mini food distribution to the churchgoers. Shi Min was our spoke person and she did a very good job. Smiling all the time and saying "God bless you" in Tamil. (If I'm correct) With that, we started our carnival for the children. We had around 50 – 100 children playing 5 stations. We had bowling, fishing, rocket-launcher, basketball and pinball. (All were modified so that the kids will be able to play easily without much instruction) As usual, I was busy filming everything that I could, to the extent of being in line of fire. Getting hit by balls and all sorts, all to get the pictures that I hope will please Kenny. Usually I would be angry, getting hit, but this time, I was not. Even though I was being hit, I was able to see the children's joy via my viewfinder. The kind of joy, that I believed, I had lost it since I was 9 years old. The kind of innocent joy that I believed all the children in the world should have and not to be taken away from. Most of the children had prizes, Prizes such as eraser, ruler, and chocolates. Those that were outstanding were given sculpture balloons formed by Vimel and Guo Jun. As not all of the children would get it, we nearly had a riot of children fighting to get our attention in order to obtain a balloon. Ha ha ha, pure innocence.

With that, we had our lunch and after that, the students were told to gather back in the church hall. We were supposed to have another food distribution at another place. This time, the amount of food to be given out was of larger quantity and the students were to pack and sort out the food in order. That took us around 2 hours and after that. The students were given free time to rest and relax.

In the late afternoon, we were all set to move out to another church where we were going to have the food distribution. I sat behind the truck and had some time chatting with Jian Ting, Derrick and Jason. To feel the air in your hair was awesome, especially when you are travelling at 120 KM/H. Soon, we were there. Team A had a wacky idea and asked us to take a photo of them facing their bottom towards the camera, while my team lined up together, pretending to be walking on the road; if though we were on MTV. The food distribution went on as usual and after that, we managed to have 15 minutes of volleyball with the local kids. I really miss playing volleyball !!! Reminded me of my secondary school days.

After that, we were invited to have dinner at one of the churchgoers' home. I must say, he was pretty rich. A bit of questions here and there, and soon we found out he owns a jewellery shop. That explained why. After dinner, we took a picture with our host before we left. After that, when we reached back our accommodation. Yao Han explained why the sudden change of plan and why we were invited for dinner. After that, we had some facilitation, only a few minutes as I was really tired and my entire head was blank. But like the other nights, we still had our meeting and that went into the wee hours of the night.

Things just keep happening....need to be strong at these times

2005-11-25T08:47:00.000+08:00

If my life was not bad enough, things just kept pounding me left, right and centre. On Wednesday, I found out that the DVD that contained the presentation video could not work. I had to called Yao Han to try to duplicate despite him being so busy. Yesterday afternoon, I tried calling Doris, requesting for an earlier time schedule for the venue of our presentation so that Shi Min and her friends were able to decorate the location. But things was just not going my way and I found out that the time slot before us was already booked. Within all these, I still had to bring my mum to see the doctor and after that, rushed to Singapore Poly to deliver the T-shirt to my student.

I was already very tired as I did not sleep early the day before and in the afternoon. When I thought that the day was done and I could relax playing pool and do some catch up with Alex. Lionel had to call and inform me that the quality of the T-shirt was quite bad for the price that we paid and we need to get back to the company that did the T-shirt. I was really sadden and thereafter, unable to play my best. IN the end, I lost my match. (7-6, 1-7, 6-7)

What I can do now is try to be strong, pray really hard - for the event, for one student's grandma, one student's girlfriend and for another student's test that is on today. As for me, I need to take some time off to seek solitude with God. The last few weeks had been bad and many of my friends are worried and seeing mixed answer from my blogs. Bear with me guys....once I sort my thinking and direction. I will give a clearer explanation.

New skin

2005-11-24T01:03:00.000+08:00

Finally had the time to change my blog skin. To think that the time given to me to change was when I was waiting for her to finish her stuff before calling her. The blog skin was simple and I "copied" the same concept from my God Sister. I really like the style of her blog. Simple and nice. All I had to do was to get a picture and spend the next three hours organizing it. And there you have it. My new skin. :)

Gym anyone?

2005-11-23T11:48:00.000+08:00

Do not seem to be getting anything right. Especially while talking to her. Felt like me pushing her away from me instead than trying to impress her. Kept saying the wrong things at the wrong time and at the wrong place. Plus my stupid face and voice that keep giving people the wrong idea; I seriously do not know what to do. One important thing that I learn from this event is that I should not open my mouth too much when I'm tired or when it is too late at night unless you are crapping. If not, I'm going to step onto a lot of land mine and create a war. Think our relationship is going down the drain soon.

To keep a friendship is harder than I thought after telling the person you like her. She has been very diplomatic with me and I am trying very very hard to keep the relationship by not doing any more stuff that is stupid, despite wanting to be with her and getting jealous so easily just seeing her with her guy friend. This is totally absurd!! Think me in serious depression due to this event. How am I going to impress her when I'm going through such a hard ordeal? Think it is time to go back to the gym; a place where I usually forget my pain in the heart via having pain onto my body. It is also a good place where I can really sit down and think after your brain is cleared from any distraction due to the kind of stress I put onto my poor body. It is also a good time to get back the body that I once had in poly...

Choice

2005-11-22T23:40:00.000+08:00

Decision made,
Last event,
Thank you all for supporting and loving me.....

SNAG?

2005-11-21T15:46:00.000+08:00

To like someone who is so much younger than you, knowing that the chance of being together forever is so slim, the feeling is like having a stake strike through your heart. But that can only happen, if the other party likes you. If not, it is just another tragic one-sided affair. Love is blind and one is helplessly not knowing or doing what is right or wrong. What can you do? To continue to pour your love and care onto her, to try to be with her, understand her, help her, and talk to her. And what is all this trouble for? Hoping that she will like you? Why not? But most importantly is that when you see her smile, when you see her being so happy with what she have, everything that you have done is worth it. One does not need to have her to be happy, maybe to see her being happy is just enough. Too idealistic? Maybe... but then again, why not? Dreams are there for you to chase after, are they not?

My Sri Lanka Trip - Day Six

2005-11-21T14:26:00.000+08:00

Finally, the first weekend in Sri Lanka has arrived. Yao Han wanted us to rest for the morning. Therefore, we took over time having our breakfast and had some fun and games with the neighbour's kids. We played volleyball and soccer around the house compound. Many of times, we had to climb to the rooftop of the house to pick the ball as we ended up hitting too hard, causing the ball to skyrocket.

Morning soon passed by quickly and it was time again to have our lunch. We had our lunch and we were getting ready to make our way to the work site. It was a bright and sunny afternoon, but as fast as the speed of sound, they were a few black clouds and it began to drizzle. We wanted to continue despite the rain, but Ah-ma (mother in Tamil, do not know if the spelling is correct) advised us not to, explaining to us that the weather in Sri Lanka was quite erratic and we would all fall sick if we were to persist. With that, it's time for plan B.

Therefore, we brought forward the debate that we had prepared a few months back. We went to the church hall to have our debate while the erratic sky had her fun, drizzling and stopping if though someone above was having fun pouring water on us, as and when she liked it. In the hall, the two teams were to come with some arguments on the topic: "Would you want to be born in Singapore" (This is what I can remember, do not know if the title is correct but the main gist is there). We gave them some time to prepare while I continue to take some video and pictures. After 25 minutes, they were asked to present their views. Each team had four debater and we had fun talking and arguing at each other's facts. I was amazed by what they were able to come out with. We, leaders did prompt a bit, but the rest was all up to them.

After that, we began the preparation of the kid's work. Lionel went off to get his luggage full of equipments. Candy gave a briefing of what all the equipments were for and the students began their mini brainstorming session on what they intend to do on Sunday. Time went by, as it was time for dinner again. I started to get the idea that we were having a holiday rather than a humanitarian trip as the food prepared by Ah-ma was always so delicious (Rusi in Tamil). After dinner, the student brought all the stuff for the kid's work to the church hall and did a small dry run of their game stalls.

While having our small rehearsal of the mini carnival, some of the kids came to have a look at what we were doing. We allowed them to have a go at it and they were simply thrilled at the games that we had. If we were in Singapore, chances are our kids would just take a look, give a shrug and walk away. We are too advanced in technology that most kids in Singapore will either play LAN games, XBOX or PS2. I really wonder if they ever have the chance to play real childhood games that I, myself used to play. Games like marble, Cha-tek, top-spinning, catching spider, hop-scotch and many more.

That night, we had a special guest that came to visit us. It was one of a member of the LTTE. He came to thank us for the contribution to the effort of rebuilding the town that was devastated by the Tsunami. We had a small Q&A session, asking stuff on reasons why they were fighting and the reason behind it. The answer given was a bit too political and we had to explain to the students not to take the answer wholesale. We were there to help, not doing something political. After that, the students were given their own free time to wash up and rest.

We officers, on the other hand, after taking our bath (some did not) gathered at the church hall and did some packing of sugar and flour. We were having a food distribution the following day after the morning church service and the items were not packed nor prepared properly. Therefore, we had our debrief for that day while packing the food....

It hurts

2005-11-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

I Just came back from my 3 meetings and open cell. Earlier in the day, I had to rush down to SP to attend my Afterglow meeting. Before that, I quarrel with my mum over dinner as I did not have anything to eat since 8 am. Therefore, went to SP with a sadden heart. Even as I was in the train, I had a very bad feeling about the meeting. That feeling had been with me since monday and I have not been able to eat or think properly since. With something personal happened to me mid week. It was really a bad timing to meet my students. But I had no choice, I had to go and face the music.

When I saw my students, my worst fear come true. Jason told me a lot of stuff that was not done and I seriously could not register it in my brain. Thank God there was a mini birthday celebration and it gave me time to register. With that, I came to the conclusion that I would have to reprimand them. It was really hard as I knew I need to control myself. No matter what, I was labeled as a very emotional guy. The scolding came and I almost made one of my student break down. (In the end, found out she did not, just made her blur.... WT...!!) Even as I was scolding them, I could feel my heart crying. I did not know why but my heart just did. After almost an hour of reprimanding them, I was alone having dinner. I did not know what came over me but I really felt like crying. I quickly finished my dinner and went to the toilet and stood there, washing my face umpteen times to cool down as I still had to attend two more meetings and open cell. But I knew I could not hide it. My face would be showing everyone how I was feeling.

The next few hours was really hard for me. To laugh, crack joke and smile was like torture to me. I really wanted to go somewhere and sit down. As I was thinking through, I finally knew why Lionel and Shi Xiong felt sad and even cry for their cell members. For me, these four are not even primers yet, let alone my members, and I can actually crying over them. I really feel very very sad till the point I wanted to give up. Even tried to ask Yao Han to take over me on the Afterglow. A lot of things went through my mind. Not going for the YEH camp, not going for SGB, quitting primers? I really do not know, currently totally lost, confused and sad. After my Sri Lanka trip, I came back, wanting to learn new stuff like listening to mandarin songs, playing tennis so that I would be able to have a common topic to chat about. But all these seems to be done in vain. I really feel like a failure that I could not even interact well with my students, could not even impart my skill to them.

......

2005-11-16T14:04:00.000+08:00

Said it,
Rejected,
Indirectly,
Sad,
Sigh.

Confession of Love? To say or not to say? That is the question....

2005-11-14T12:04:00.000+08:00

This topic has been discussed many times with a lot of my friends. That is, about why do I not confess my feeling to the people that I like? A lot of my friends believed that if you like someone, you should just go up and tell the person how you feel. My god sister even told me that confessing my feeling was just like going through a motion as most girls will know that you like her. Sixth sense, she said.

Call me old fashion but I do not do that. After two relationships, I rather be more cautious than daring. They're a lot of factors that one should seriously consider. Factors such as age, religion, family status, character, mentality and the attitude towards a relationship. For me, I am looking for a wife, a companion, a person who I can chat with, laugh with and cry with. You guys may think: "That is common sense! You find a girlfriend so that you can marry her!" But how many guys and gals really think that way? If everyone really has that mentality in their brain, I do not think we will have so many divorce and AIDS cases. Most just want to have a temporary partner, a fling I would rather say than really settling down with that one guy or gal.

For me, the hardest is to have feeling for a gal that does not have the same belief as me. The rest of the factor can be easily solved if you truly love each other. But when belief comes to play; you really do not know what to do. You are stuck in between and the pain caused by both side is tremendous. One end, you can shut your heart and suffer alone, but that will really hinder your way of life for quite a while before you are at your best again. On the other end, you can renounce your belief and be with her. With that, everything that you have preached would have gone to waste. Everyone that have been affected or touched by your words, be in the past, present or even future will feel cheated. And the worst thing would be when your relationship does not last.

So what can one do, try not to fall in love with a non-believer? But if one does, pray daily that she will know GOD. When she does, regardless of the relationship's end result. At least one knows that she has experienced GOD.

I have decided to quit my job

2005-11-11T00:30:00.000+08:00

After listening to my lecturer and spending almost two hours in class thinking, weighing between my financial situation, my time for my students and the time left to do my project. I have decided to quit my job. This is to allow me to spend more time studying and giving myself more time to rest. Therefore, sorry guys, this year's christmas..... you have to bear with me. I am still figuring how to survive for the next few months. Need to really budget myself.

My Sri Lanka Trip - Day Five

2005-11-08T13:00:00.000+08:00

Second day of work, got up quite early, as I could not really sleep properly. My stomach was still churning and felt like I was going to puke. Aloysius was sick yesterday evening and had his first taste of Sri Lanka Porridge. Seems like we are going to have more casualties as I stared at some of the student faces. The sudden change of environment and food may be just too much for them to take. But who am I to know? I would have to just sit and wait.

After breakfast, we got back to the same work routine and went to the work site. Tilda broke the news that we had dug the wrong place, as the soil was too soft to handle the weight of the house. I was dumbfounded. All that hard work had all gone to waste. We were told to move about 50 meters away from the original work site. The new work site was just beside the kind villager's house that gave us shelter the day before. With that, we began to work again. This time, the land was much harder and there were a lot of roots that needed to be hacked and chopped. I did not do much and just went around filming. I interviewed Irvin about his feeling on the trip, as I needed to have a lot of interviews in order for Kenny to be able to edit it for the final presentation to our sponsors.

The morning session went by in a flash. Not long, we were back to our accommodation having our lunch and the guys were playing soccer with the local kids. I was resting and tried to talk to some of the students. I thought my approach for this trip was too strict and indirectly caused me to have difficulties finding topics to chat. I was over concerned about their safety that I was unable to give joy to the students. I was just basically becoming a security guard. I was really sad. I know I could crap a bit but out of a sudden, I did not know how to do it.

After lunch, we went back to the work site. And again, we were told some breaking news. We could now go back to our original site to continue digging. I just gave a sigh and went back to work on the same spot with the same student as I did yesterday. This time, when we were back, certain part of the perimeter were dugged and shaped nicely. I was scratching my head and wondered who did it. We had only hoes and no other equipment. How could one do such a good job? We soon found out that one of Tilda's workers actually used the hoe to do that nice piece of work. He even showed us the correct way of digging and shaping. He took only a fraction of the time taken to dig what we took for the whole morning. No more stereotyping on the foreign workers in Singapore as unskilled labour for me. These guys are good, very good.

By evening, we finally finished both plot of land. We were geared up to start laying the foundation for the house tomorrow. The students were happy and their spirits were high. I was also pleased as I spent a lot of time taking videos of the individual students working. Seeing their face through the viewfinder, concentrating on the work, despite the heat, the pain on their hands and the difficulties given by the ground. I could really see each and every one of them, like a diamond, slowly but truly being polished and awaking the true giant from within.

After dinner, while I was resting. Yao Han told me that we were going to activate the Emergency Action Plan (EAP). I was to be unconscious and pretend that I broke my leg. The place where I should be at was the toilet. After hearing that, I was actually quite put off. Why must the place be near the toilet? The ground around the toilet was wet and the smell was quite bad. After giving much thought. I decided to do it. Someone had to die, and that person was me. With that, I got Jeremy to be my accomplice. I went to brief him what the leaders were going to do and that he needed to be a good actor in order to convince the rest of the students.

We went to attend the facilitation in my group, conducted by Candy. The time for the exercise was 2145 hrs. At the coordinated time, I went off with Jeremy to the toilet and I got myself a place to sit and act "dead". With that, Jeremy ran back to the church hall, frantically telling everyone that I had a fall and fainted. During that time, I was trying my best not to open my eyes and endured the smell and insects that were around me. I was quite surprise that Jian Ting, Shi Min (the two medic) and Jason was quite cool about the situation. They did the necessary procedure during an emergency situation. That was to take my pulse, check for broken bones, keep my head upright, and make sure that the air way was not obstructed. They even gave me smelling salt to sniff to "revive" me. I nearly gave up because of the smelling salt. The smell around the toilet was pungent enough and I still have to bear the ammonia coming out from the smelling salt?!! In the end, I endure that ordeal.

My body was slipping from the step that I sat. This time, I was seriously feeling pain as the underneath of my thigh was rubbing against the wet sand. I wanted to scream and yet I could not. Gave me the feeling of a nightmare where you were standing alone in a crowd where you were trying to talk or scream but yet no one could hear you. You were just like a helpless hatchling, waiting for someone who could come and give you the assurance and warmth. That reminded me of GOD, when everything fails, HE will be the one that will stretch out his hand to grab hold of you and save you.

Soon, one of the students noticed me slipping and then after, I was carried and placed lying flat on the ground. I was now smelly, dirty and my rashes came out. Thank God Yao Han came over and told me to get up and that was the end of the exercise. With that, we went back to the church hall to have a debrief on the exercise. I must say that I was really impressed. No gals cried and everyone was following instruction from Irvin, there was no panic. I really could say that the exercise was a resounding success.

With that, that was the end of the night session. I really wanted to take a shower as I could feel the break out of my rashes. But in the end, I had to attend the officer's meeting before I could have my shower. With that, my rashes were here to stay for the entire trip. Once my rashes were out, nothing can really stop it from subsiding. After the meeting, I went to take my bath and went to sleep, scratching myself away for the entire night.

My Sri Lanka Trip - Day Four

2005-11-06T15:48:00.000+08:00

Finally, the first day of work. After three days of traveling, we could finally commence our objective of coming to Sri Lanka. That was, to build a house for one of the Tsunami victims. After having our breakfast, we hopped into our van and went to the work site. We were greeted by Tilda. With some of his workers, the layout of the house was mapped out using twines and tree branches. Ancient method, I must say but extremely accurate by its own standard.

We were given two plot of land but only 4 hoes to dig. With 20 of us, we had to work in shifts. As all of us were excited, we were rushing to grab hold of one of the hoes and started slamming the ground with our tools. I personally wanted to finish the digging within that day as I really hoped to be able to see a finished house before heading back to Singapore. How naive was I, in less then 30 minutes, my back started to hurt. Only then do I realised that I had not worked out for nearly a year. All my muscle started to ache and I could feel the pain in my back. With the lack of exercise and past injuries. I really could feel if though a sword just went through my body.

After an hour or so, it started to drizzle....then more drizzle...then it became a downpour. We were in the middle of an empty site with no shelter whatsoever. I firmly believe that we were going to be a drenched cat. Then, like a knight in shining armour, one of the villagers came and offered his house as a temporary shelter. We all ran to his home, Johan, one of the students almost fell due to the wet ground.

The house that we sought shelter was only about the size of a bedroom. Very small indeed but it was for a family of 4. The entire house was made out of mud and cow dung. (yes, cow dung, this is to repel any insect from coming into the house) In that 20 minutes, we were all huddled together, cold and wet. I felt bad, not because I was in the villager's house but in Singapore, I was always complaining that my bedroom was small, and God made me realised how lucky I was to even have a room all by myself. HE showed me some old memories of my old house where I needed to share my bedroom with my elder brother. I totally forgotten how blessed I was. SIgh...

With the rain, our morning work ended, we had to return back to our accommodation for lunch. I could feel that some of the students were a bit disappointed, we only worked over an hour and had to stop due to the rain. We had our lunch and waited till 2 before heading back to the work site. During lunch time, I saw her, someone who looked so alike that it tore my heart. I was telling God: "You gotta be joking right? I know you will be dealing with me on certain issues but do you really have to do this to me?? I'm out in a foreign land, trying my best to protect my students in case of anything and you just have to hit a stone in my heart??" I decided to shut my heart and be as professional as possible, but I know it was going to be a very, very difficult process.

After lunch, we went back to work. Before that, we made a small detour to get more hoes and a tent that was to be built at the worksite. Due to the rain, the ground at the worksite became soft and we were glad that it made our life a bit easier. I continued digging and even had the chance to use an axe. Despite my back hurting and still sick, I still tried to work. In the end I got four blister as my reward. I was reminded by Kenny that I should let the students do the work. I should just keep a lookout for anything and also concentrate on my task, which was to record down all the works that was done by the students with a video camera.

I was in team B but for whatever reason, I was always with team A, digging their plot of land. It took me almost 2 hours before I knew it. I felt if though my team was going to kill me, betraying them. I was with a student, taking turns digging one side of the perimeter. I could say she was pretty good as a first timer as she did not had any blister after a whole day's of work!!! Then came another revelation, like my mother always say, slow and steady, wins the race. During that period of time, I had the chance to chat with her and got to know more about her.

We continued to dig till near dinner time. before we dragged our aching bodies back to the van. After dinner, we had a bit of facilitation before we had a mini farewell gathering for Sean and Kenny as both of them had to go. The former to Pakistan and the latter, Korea. With that, the students went to have their shower while we officers had the nightly meeting. I went to sleep soon after, thinking what lies ahead of me as the journey of my life in Sri Lanka started to unfolded itself.

GOD, please give me strength

2005-10-30T23:21:00.000+08:00

Life after my humanitarian trip had not been easy. After been away for two weeks, I had a lot of things to catch up and I'm really dying now. When I went back to work, I had a lot of office work to clear and it was near the end of the month (My colleagues need to rush for month end closing and I need to help them in whatever way I can). My two school projects had not been touch and most of my friends were already in phase two of the projects. My company is also chasing me for my project as the product of the project are theirs.

Besides all that, the entire week had been packed with meetings and more meetings. I had been out almost every night attending meetings despite been sick. (my left leg was swollen due to infection and I had been vomiting) My grey matter had been fried almost everyday due to information overload.

I just been asked to run the Afterglow presentation and I would be committing a lot of my time to the students, which means more late night and less sleep. That is excluding open cell, workgroup meeting, YEH camp, sea expedition, SGB and many more.

I really pray that God will give me strength so that I can finish the last two months of this year without being burned out or getting sick. Fellow brothers and sister, do keep me in prayer.

My Sri Lanka Trip - Day Three

2005-10-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

We got up quite early today. First time had to find water to brush my teeth and wash my face. I went to the well with Jason and Jian Ting to get some water. It was my first time seeing a concrete well. The water was clean and fresh as it was raining heavily the night before. I tried to fetch a full pail of water but to no avail. One of the local boys came to fetch water too. All of us stared in awe as how fast and strong he was pulling up the pail from the well. I was ashamed.

After that, pastor David came back to church with some breakfast for us. I was truly touched as I knew getting food in such a place need a lot of time to travel and it was only eight in the morning. Before we bid goodbyes, we prayed over the family and took so pictures.

With that, we set off in our vans again to meet pastor near the border between Sri Lanka and the Tamil Tiger. After meeting him, we went to fill up our vans and even bought extra cans of petrol. I found out that petrol price over the border was almost twice as expensive, so it was wise to buy extra. While waiting, there was a boy carrying her baby sister, begging for money. I really felt sorry for the kid but we were not allowed to to give them any money as that will invite more trouble.

While crossing the border, it started to rain. I thought that all of us were going to get drenched as we were told in advance that we might have to come out of the van to let the securities search our bags. In the end, after informing them that we were neither mainland Chinese nor Japanese but Singaporean. We were not searched. And by grace of God, the rain stopped immediately after we left the custom.

Next we went to the Tamil Tiger border, the situation was tense as we do not know what to expect. I was ready to protect my students if anything were to happen. (I told myself that I will sacrifice myself even if it was to protect the kids) The place was not as bad as we thought and the people over there were nice and polite. We even said happy birthday to one of the custom officer. He was only 22 and was able to speak English fairly well. We waited for an hour before we were set to go to Mullativu.

We were told that we would make a trip down to the beach first to have a look at the place where the Tsunami hit. Over there, I can feel the sense of lost, sadness, regret almost instantly. As Saraban shared what happened and me taking pictures. The feeling that I had was that, I could worked very hard in life. Achieved everything that I want and become the somebody that I want. But when God moves his hand. Everything that you have will be gone in a flash and you will finally be humbled on how great God is. Life was never about what we want or what we can achieve but doing God's work, which is to let everyone at least hear the gospel once.

After walking around and seeing one of the few structures that was left standing (it was a church). We headed back to our vans and set off to our accommodation for lunch. After lunch, we went to the only place in the small town where we could make contact with the rest of the world. We were given only three mintues to call our familes that we were safe and sound.

All that took the whole afternoon and we went back to eat our dinner. After that, we did a session on social tree. This is where the students are spilt into two groups and using just parts of the tree, to describe Sri Lanka and Singapore's society. There was also a question and answer session where Kenny asked a few questions to kick start the brains of all the students. After that, the student were given some free time to chat before they went to sleep. We had our usually night meeting. then nights off...

I wanna cry

2005-10-26T11:16:00.000+08:00

These few days have been very frustrating for me. I do not know why but everything is not going my way.

1) I had been vomiting the whole day yesterday due to my infection.

2) When I had to limp to school gate so early in the morning, my classmate SMS me just before I entered the school and told me that the lesson is cancelled. So the whole morning is wasted. I could had used that time to sleep and rest my leg.

3) After more than 10 hours in school, when I was happily going home, thinking that I could use the Internet, my modem was not working. After more than 20 reset over one and a half hours, I gave up. Ended up talking to my friend on the phone till midnight.

Today, needing to send some photos to my friend to do the compilation for my humanitarian trip urgently, I tried my luck at my work place. After trying to send the file for over two hours, it did not went through and I could not even figure out why. Went to my colleague's desk to give it a go but still to no avail. By now, I'm getting very very pissed. Currently, as I'm writing this blog, my web msn just went down and I SIMPLY CANNOT EVEN LOGGED IN. ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I should be working now rather than writing a blog, but I really cannot be bother anymore. I really need to destressed myself. If my boss found out and fire me...let it be then. I am sick and tired and pissed and I simply cannot think properly now to work.....

Guys, sorry for the delay in writing my blog on my trip. I will try my best to blog it down as soon as my Internet connection is up.

My Sri Lanka Trip - Day Two

2005-10-24T23:05:00.000+08:00

Was up around 0430 hrs, The actual waking up time was 0530 hrs therefore realised that I adjusted the time wrongly. I was up all alone, with a few love bite on my chest. Yao Han opened the window that was next to me and I became a free blood donation vehicle to the muzzies. After being told that we are not going to Batticaloa but to Mullativu. I was quite skeptical as that place was even deeper into the Tamil Tiger territory. After having our breakfast, we were greeted with three vans. Thank God that we do not have to packed ourselves like sardines for the next six to eight hours.

I got into the van that was driven by Takumi. So for the rest of the six to eight hours were like a dare devil stunt show, zooming by cares and buses at break neck speed of hairline distance. I almost vomited and had to take my motion sickness pill. I tried to talk to the members in my team but to no avail. I started to seriously think to myself what can I do to break this ice. I know I look fierce but I'm trying very hard to find a topic to chat with the students. At that point of time, I found out that my interests with the students were so far apart that I even thought trying to pick up their hobbies in the future so that I am able to interact with them.

For most of the trip, I was sleeping as there was nothing much we could see or do. Everything buildings and houses looks similar and all of them looked like old Singapore or Malaysia. We had a pit stop for lunch. We had our first taste of Sri Lanka food. Quite spicy I must say, but the food was good and was to my liking. With that, I no longer worry about having difficulties adjusting to the food in Sri Lanka. We had coke as drinks for our lunch. The coke over in Sri Lanka was quite flat, not as carbonated as those we have in Singapore.

With that, we continue our journey onto the endless road towards the horizon to our new destination where we would be meeting up with pastor. But we had a shock surprise, When dusk came, I was wondering why were we still traveling. We were told that the other side of the border was expecting us to arrive a day before! And because of that, we were not allowed to travel at night as we need to get a new permit. Sigh. In the end, we did another pit stop at a eating place for dinner where we ate Toh Sei and Sri Lanka version of Mutarbak. It was quite nice till I almost ate some friendly visitors, a few bugs and I lost my appetite.

We travelled to a church where we met Pastor David. He was a nice enough to let us stay over at his church hall even though he was informed at the last minute. The place we stayed was a simple building made up of coconut leaves roof, simple concrete flooring and a low wall where we could see our surrounding. With that, we unloaded our stuff and commence our first activity.

We had the teams spilted up and told them to come up with their own house rules and work rules. After that, the students did some presentation of the rules and that was it. Everyone was tired and most of them went to sleep almost immediately. We officers then had our meeting to discuss the programmes for the following day. After that, I just went to my sleep bag and and slept.....

My Sri Lanka Trip - Day One

2005-10-23T08:56:00.000+08:00

Today is the day. Did some last minute shopping before setting off to the airport. My brother took half day leave from his work to send me off. With a heavy bag pack on me, we took a taxi to the airport. As we travel along the buzzing highway of the AYE, a lot of things were in my mind. Will I like the place that I'm going to? Am I able to interact with the students? Will I survive the place due to my eye conditions? Am I able to adapt? These were just some of the questions that kept popping up from my grey matter.

As we arrived at the airport, I went to meet up with my other trip leaders. All of them were very excited and were happily chatting away with things that they were going to do and some of the trip details. I was not as excited as them and I wonder why? I had not flown overseas from nearly 8 years after my Japan trip and yet....

The time to gather came and the officers and I went to meet up with the students. Students came with family and friends, many pictures were taken, hugs and kisses were exchanged. I was looking around and finally saw two of my secondary school friends. I was really touched as we did not see each other for nearly 9 years and yet they came to send me off. We had some pictures taken together and sat down chatting.

Pastor Roland came and prayed for the trip leaders. He also prayed for the entire team. With that and a couple more group photos, we finally went through the custom and headed towards the boarding gate. Before we board the plane, I began to feel sick again. I had been sick since Wednesday and I really prayed very hard that I will not collapse during the 12 days.

The plane was crawling away from the terminal and onto the runway, A few minutes later, the reddish yellow light flare from the engine signals that she was ready and then, with a roar, she began tearing down the runway and we were airborne.

After 3 and a half hours later, we finally touched down at Colombo airport. It was my first time that I needed to go down to the tarmac and take a small bus to the airport. The airport looks similar like our old Paya Lebar airport. It was just a simple two storey building. As we walked to the exit. We were greeted by Saraban (hoped that I got his name correctly). My team was assigned to a driver named Selvam (hoped that I got his name correctly too) After traveling with him for the night, we decided to call him Takumi as he driving skill was reckless but like the comic Initial D, his touch on the van was amazing.

As my team traveled from the airport to the city, the place was very dark. The city had street lamps but the problem was that the lamps were either placed too far apart or not switched on at all. My feel on Colombo city was like the old Johor Bahru as most of the shops were only two storey high and the road were a bit bumpy.

We stayed over at a mission home before starting the long 8 hours ride to Batticaloa. The caretaker of the house is Kingsley and he was a very nice guy. We were given rooms to rest of feet. The only problem that we had was the rooms were very hot and we were soon greeted by the natives aka Muzzies!!!

With that, we took our rest and prepared ourselves with the journey tomorrow to Batticaloa...

I survived my Sri Lanka Trip

2005-10-23T08:46:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, I'm back from Sri Lanka in one piece even though my body was badly battered. (I need to exercise more these days. Getting tired easily these days) Apart from having fever for the last four days, everything was fine. I loved the place that we went to and learnt many new things. Happiness, fun, sadness, sorrow were the few emotions that I felt during this 12 days trip.

I will be writing my account of the trip with my feelings at the end of the blog for each day of the trip for the next two weeks. I just hope that my brain will not fail me. So for those who are really interested in knowing what we did. Stay tuned.

My Humantarian Trip

2005-10-10T12:22:00.000+08:00

I have finally finished packing my stuff, It is already noon and I'm still here writing a blog. I think I should at least let my readers know that I will be away for two weeks. I'm going to Sri Lanka to a place call Batticaloa (hopefully it is the correct spelling) at the eastern side of the country. Our plane ride is only 4 hours but we need to travel in a van for around 10 hours from the west coast to east coast of Sri Lanka. Colombo is at the western end of Sri Lanka and the distance between the two places is like Singapore to Kuala Lumpur, just that the roads are harder to travel. We will be building two houses, do some food distribution and have a mini carnival for the childrens. I believe that this will be a humbling experience for all of us as this will be the first time being at the place after the aftermath of the tsunami.

This is one of the most expensive trip I have been to. Apart from raising funds for nearly $1,000 just for the expenses of the trip. I wiped out all most salary just buying the necessary stuff for the trip. Like the rest of the adult leaders, our fear is the finances we will be facing when we come back to singapore as all of us will not be working for at least two weeks. That is apart from the other leaves that we took to attend all the necessary trainings. BUT I dun think I will worry that too much as God have been very faithful. When I was told I could go for the trip, my main concern was the $1,000. In the end, in less than two weeks, I managed to raise up the money without much of a hitch, all thanks to my friends, boss, colleagues and all those who believe in me and the cause of the trip.

I will be back on the 22 Oct 05 if nothing goes wrong in Sri Lanka as the tension over there is still quite high. I will be writing at blog on the 23 Oct 05 just to tell you guys that I'm back....If there is no blog here, please do the necessary actions....

My decision

2005-10-09T23:12:00.000+08:00

Life have not been easy. Been very busy with work and not being able to catch up with my studies. On top of that, I was busy preparing my stuff for the humantarian trip to Sri Lanka and my ministry in both SP Primers and SIM Guitar Club. Recently, my mum had to undergo physiotherapy on a weekly basis and that took a toll on me as I need to shuttle between either my workplace or school to my house in order to bring my mum to hospital. When I told Danny about my situation, he told me to make a decision; which should I hold on to and which to let go.

After much consideration and advise from him, I decided to let go both my work and studies. I will be ending my job in two month's time. (at least I should support my company till they get a replacement) and I would just spend minimum effort on my studies (just to pass) so that I can concentrate on my ministries and family. It is a hard choice but I know God will provide.

Secondary school gathering

2005-10-07T00:04:00.000+08:00

I had a secondary class gathering last Saturday. Even though I was told on the day itself, I managed to get permission from Danny to attend church on Sunday rather than Saturday for the gathering. I was quite skeptical of going to the gathering at the beginning. One of the reasons was because I had not seen most of them for over nine years and the other was my relationship with them during the hay days wasn't smooth sailing.

Despite all that, I still made the trip and was delighted as everyone got together and chatted quite easily without much hesitation. And as we talked, I finally realised that we have all much became adults and what was in the past, was in the past. And like what Jean said in "Back to ol' Skool" segment of Class 95FM, we talk about the past. our embarrassing moments and laughed. We had so much to talk about, our current work lives, our love lives (those attached and those who got married without even informing some of us!!!) and gossiping about the rest who were not there!

I'm truly happy to attend this gathering and see all of them moving so well in each of their lives. I think I'm one of the few that is still attending a school...sigh...Wait for me guys....Me coming soon!!!

Buses and Taxis

2005-09-26T12:32:00.000+08:00

Last week when I was on my way to work, I heard of a topic on fares of buses and taxis on Class 95FM. It had been said that even though we have upgraded our payment systems to the EZlink card to prevent fraud, cheating was still very much prevalent. Glen suggested that we have a flat rate on buses to eliminate cheating. FD, as the co-host, rejected the notion, saying it was not feasible. After hearing that, I really beg to differ.

When I was in Japan in 1997. This was the way the Japanese paid for their bus rides. 150 Yen for middle distance and 300 to the terminal while other buses had 500 Yen for much further distance. They even had bus conductors on the bus. (FD said that having bus conductors was more of moving backward in time, but I believe this role will help many more Singaporean to have a stable job.) One more innovative idea in Japan was that you could get the passengers to board the bus at the back while alighting from the front.

I know some of the readers would be questioning me while reading this blog. "Hey, are you with us commuters or the bus company. We do that in order to save money!!" Let me get this straight, if you are able to pay so much more for branded goods and watching movies, don't tell me that you cannot afford to pay for the exact bus fare? I am not even asking you to pay for more. So if you guys still have that mentality, I really have to ask you to go fly kite. And yes, till now, I have always pay the exact fare.

And as for the taxi drivers. FD said that taxi drivers have all right to choose the route to our destination, even if it means the longer route, unless we direct them. I totally disagree with that. This is Singapore, not America where the country is so huge. Most taxi drivers would know most route quite well. I had once taken a taxi from Orchard, asking the driver to go to Clementi. Instead of going via Holland Road, this guy actually went down to Bukit Merah, enters the express way, out of Buona Vista and then to Clementi. I asked all my friend whose dad were taxi drivers. All of them pointed out that this guy was just out to earn my money. Thanks God I was with my girlfriend and was in a good mood as it was Christmas. Otherwise this guy would be dead meat. I would lodge a complain and make sure this guy is out of a job.

And there were another case where I had to rush to Aloha Chalet from the Singapore Indoor Stadium. This taxi driver purposely drove all the way to the airport before making a huge detour via a road where I can see the runway to the chalet instead for exiting from Tampines. I was also fuming mad but had no choice as I was late for worship. If I ever wish to see planes taking off. I would choose a better vehicle rather than your pathetic diesel car and with my buddies.

Bad and cheating taxi drivers, even though I'm a Christian, I'm also a human. My patience with you guys is growing vane. If I ever catch you doing this nonsense when I'm in your taxi. Pray very very hard.

Another tough week

2005-09-15T23:20:00.000+08:00

This week is just another tough week for me. Been busy settling a lot of stuffs after I got my results. This week is the start of the new semester for most of the SIM students. But for those that are in my degree course, this is just the beginning of a nightmare. Given two projects admist the other subjects we are studying. The same dateline of only six months for both the projects are going to kill both my classmates and I.

For me personally, juggling with two major projects and my other one subject is already tough. To add to the pressure that I'm already having, I'm still working and working very hard to compensate for the days that I'm not around (which means working overtime without getting paid even though I'm a contract staff). Apart from that, I will be flying off to Sri Lanka for my humanatarian trip. (which I have been announcing to the whole world via my MSN nick. Not only to raise fund but also to raise awareness as there are still many people suffering the after effects of the tsunami) Life had not been easy and I could only sleep well past midnight to catch up in my studies.

Thanks GOD that one of the major events in school, the student week (which my club, the guitar club, had been preparing stuff for the booth) is ending soon. The members had been working hard in rehearsing songs for the last two months for the school performance while the exco had been working hard decorating the booth. Sad thing was, despite all that, due to the placement of the booths for different clubs; we had been given a space right at the end of the whole atrium. Sigh, Thank GOD that the sign up rate for the guitar wrokshop have been good and am praying that tomorrow, there will be more students coming to show their interest in attending the workshop.

With that, that will conclude the end of my tough week. Hopefully, I will be able to concentrate on my studies, work and the trip without any more interruptions for the weeks to come.

Thanksgiving

2005-09-03T12:41:00.000+08:00

I finally have some time to write another blog again. Life have not been easy for me and time is as precious as gold to me now. With the current schedule, I'm glad that I still have at most 5 hours to sleep on average. Now that I know I'm going to do my final year projects. I seriously doubt how much sleep time I'm going to have. A lot of time is going to be spent on my work, studies, ministry, spending time with my friends, and a bit of relaxation just to keep me sane.

The purpose of this blog is to give thanks to God and the people who have help me pass my exams. I believe that they are to be given credits rather than letting the rest of the world claim that I'm smart (which I'm not). Without them, I would be long gone. So like an award ceremony, here goes:

First of all, I will give thanks to God for everything he have done for me during the exams period. Praying and talking to him was the only way to keep me for collapsing due to the pressure that I gave myself for the exams.

For Organisation Theory, I give thanks to Rafiq (I hope I spell his name correctly) for teaching me the ropes on how to study smart for the subject.

For Information System Development and Management, I give thanks to Sean and Rafiq for letting me have their assignments so that I am able to learn the writing style for this subject, Bernard for discussing with me the different topics within this subject

For Elements of Information & Communication Technologies, I give thanks to Bernard, whom for the whole year and expecially during the exams period, been guiding and teaching me how to do pseudo code and preparation for the exams. Eileen for lending me her SQL 92 notes. Issac for helping me and lending me his notes on SQL 92 and the theory part of EICT and Jerry, whom, with his opinions, gave me different perspective on the different topics and exams questions asked.

And for Bernard and his family, who have given me numerous taxi rides to Singapore Expo during the days of examination and the many weekends for sending me to school to cut cost and time and the kind breakfast meals that I have and the time spent with his family. God Bless Your Family!!!

Once again,
Thanks to all of you!!!

What is wrong with my blog?

2005-08-24T00:19:00.000+08:00

I heard comments about me being a copycat for putting up wholesale of information on my blog. (DVD Explained). I dun feel much of explaining but deem so as to redeem my innocence.

1. The origin of the information is stated in my blog. (I did not steal it but quoted it)

2. The website for people to look up for answer and I can always take it down when requested by the company. (the first page of the website said:
"What is this site about?
This site will help you to make your own VideoCDs, SVCDs or DVDs that can be played on your standalone DVD Player from video sources like DVD, Video, TV, DV, Cam or downloaded movie clips like DivX, MOV, RM, WMV and ASF. We also have extensive lists of Capture Cards, DVD Media, computer DVD Writers, desktop DVD Recorders and desktop DVD Players with features, compatibility information and user comments. Use the menu to the left to navigate our site. Enjoy."

3. If letting more people gain more knowledge through using my blog as a vehicle means I'm a copycat. That means the other person that posted the same information on hardwarezone forums is also a copycat and so does other people's blog whom have stated other information from different sites.

4. If everyone thinks that way. There will no longer be sharing of information among people.

5. I do not need to show the whole world that I'm knowledgeable. People around me will know. If I'm dumb, I'm dumb. I do not need to act if though I know everything. Yes, I pass comments on everything within the knowledge of my brain, but if I'm wrong, correct me and I will learn. One will not learn anything by keeping one's mouth shut.

6. Last but not least. This is my blog and I can do what I deem fit. I rather put more information so that people can learn or just put my views on things around me than bitching, accusing or even slandering any topic, anything or anyone without even knowing the true intention.

Readers, leave you comments. May I doing the right thing? If the response is that I'm wrong. I WILL take away the blog written on DVDs.

DVD Explained

2005-08-22T13:45:00.000+08:00

I saw this in Hardwarezone forum. I think it is good information.

Quoted from http://www.videohelp.com/dvd

DVD stands for Digital Versatile/Video Disc, DVDR stands for DVD Recordable and DVDRW for DVD ReWriteable. If you're familiar with regular audio/music CDs or regular DVD-Video discs, then you will know what a recordable DVD looks like. A recordable DVD stores up to 2 hours of very good quality DVD-Video, including several audio tracks in formats like stereo, Dolby Digital or DTS and also advanced menu systems, subtitles and still pictures that can be played by many standalone DVD Players and most computer DVD-ROMs. If you choose to lower the video quality it is possible to store several hours video on a recordable DVD using low bitrates and low resolution with video quality more like VHS, SVHS, SVCD, CVD or VCD. It is also possible to have up to 4.37* GB ordinary data or mix DVD-Video and data on a recordable DVD that can be played by most computer DVD-ROMs.

There are three competing DVD Recording standards, DVD-R/DVD-RW and DVD+R/DVD+RW have pretty similiar features and are compatible with many standalone DVD Players and most DVD-ROMs while DVD-RAM has less DVD Player and DVD-ROM compatibility but better recording features.

DVD-R and DVD-RW
DVD-R was the first DVD recording format released that was compatible with standalone DVD Players.
DVD-R is a non-rewriteable format and it is compatible with about 93% of all DVD Players and most DVD-ROMs.
DVD-RW is a rewriteable format and it is compatible with about 80% of all DVD Players and most DVD-ROMs.
DVD-R and DVD-RW supports single side 4.37 computer GB* DVDs(called DVD-5) and double sided 8.75 computer GB* DVDs(called DVD-10).
These formats are supported by DVDForum.

DVD+R and DVD+RW
DVD+R is a non-rewritable format and it is compatible with about 89% of all DVD Players and most DVD-ROMs.
DVD+RW is a rewritable format and is compatible with about 79% of all DVD Players and most DVD-ROMs.
DVD+R and DVD+RW supports single side 4.37 computer GB* DVDs(called DVD-5) and double side 8.75 computer GB* DVDs(called DVD-10).
These formats are supported by the DVD+RW Alliance.

DVD+R DL
DVD+R DL or called DVD+R9 is a Dual Layer writeable DVD+R. The dual layered discs can hold 7.95 computer GB* (called DVD-9) and dual layered double sides 15.9* computer GB (called dvd-18).

DVD-R DL
DVD-R DL or called DVD-R9 is a Dual Layer writeable DVD-R. The dual layered discs can hold 7.95 computer GB* (called DVD-9) and dual layered double sides 15.9* computer GB (called dvd-18).

DVD-RAM
DVD-RAM has the best recording features but it is not compatible with most DVD-ROM drives and DVD-Video players. Think more of it as a removable hard disk. DVD-RAM is usually used in some DVD Recorders.
This format is supported by DVDForum.

Read our DVD Writers and Recorders list and read also our DVD Players Compatibility list to see what types your standalone DVD Player supports. You find more detailed comparisons between the formats in the more info section here.

DVD Sizes

The DVD sizes can be a bit confusing. There are basicly 4 different DVD Sizes,

DVD-5, holds around 4 700 000 000 bytes and that is 4.37 computer GB where 1 kbyte is 1024 bytes* . DVD+R/DVD+RW and DVD-R/DVD-RW supports this format. Also called Single Sided Single Layered. This is the most common DVD Media, often called 4.7 GB Media.

DVD-10, holds around 9 400 000 000 bytes and that is 8.75 computer GB. DVD+R/DVD+RW and DVD-R/DVD-RW supports this format. Also called Double Sided Single Layered.

DVD-9, holds around 8 540 000 000 bytes and that is 7.95 computer GB. DVD+R supports this format. Also called Single Sided Dual Layered. This media is called DVD-R9, DVD-R DL, DVD+R9, DVD+R DL or 8.5 GB Media.

DVD-18, holds around 17 080 000 000 bytes and that is 15.9 computer GB. DVD+R supports this format. Also called Double Sided Dual Layered.

* In the computer world is 1 KB data = 1024 bytes so 4 700 000 000 bytes / 1024 = 4 589 843KB / 1024 = 4482MB / 1024 = 4.37GB. See section 3.3 in the DVDDemystified FAQ here.

DVD+R/DVD+RW/DVD+R DL and DVD-R/DVD-RW exact sizes
DVD-R/DVD-RW = 4 706 074 624 bytes ( 4488 MB )
DVD+R/DVD+RW = 4 700 372 992 bytes ( 4482 MB )
DVD+R DL = 8 547 993 600 bytes ( 8152 MB )

DVD Write and read speeds

Single Layer(4.7GB) write speeds
1x (CLV) = about 58 minutes
2x (CLV) = about 29 minutes
2.4x (CLV) = about 24 minutes
4x (CLV) = about 14.5 minutes
6x (CLV/ZCLV) = about 10-12 minutes
8x (PCAV/ZCLV) = about 8-10 minutes
12x (PCAV/ZCLV) = about 6.5-7.5 minutes
16x (CAV/ZCLV) = about 6-7 minutes

Dual/Double Layer(8.5GB) write speeds
1x CLV = about 105 minutes
2.4x CLV = about 44 minutes
4x CLV = about 27 minutes

Single Layer (4.7GB) read speeds
1x read speed is 1.321MB/s = ~56 minutes
6x CAV (avg. ~4x) read speed is max 7.93MB/s = ~14 minutes
8x CAV (avg. ~6x) read speed is max 10.57MB/s = ~10 minutes
12x CAV (avg. ~8x) read speed is max 15.85MB/s = ~7 minutes
16x CAV (avg. ~12x) read speed is max 21.13MB/s = ~5 minutes

* write speed time and read speed time is not the same because writing requires some extra steps and also does the faster writing above 6x usually use lower write speeds for some parts of the dvd. 4x DVD speed = 36x CD speed. See section 4.2 in the DVDDemystified FAQ here.

Other non-standard special DVD formats:

DVD-VCD
is basicly a VCD authored on a DVD. DVD supports the VCD resolution but the audio has to be resampled to 48 khz. If the audio is resampled to 48 khz it is standard DVD-Video. Read more here how to make a such.

DVD-SVCD
is basicly a SVCD authored on a DVD. DVD do not supports the SVCD resolution but it may anyway work and the audio has to be resampled to 48 khz like the DVD-VCD. Read more here here.

DVD-MP3
is MP3s burned on a DVD but very few MP3 capable standalone DVD Players supports it because most Players verify DVD as DVD-Video only. Check our DVD Players list for compatibility.

DVD-ISO
is MPEG ,MPG, VOB files burned on a DVD without any DVD Authoring(making the vob,ifo files) but very few standalone DVD Players supports it because most Players verify DVD as DVD-Video only. Check our DVD Players list for compatibility.

What is miniDVD / cDVD then?
Read here on the miniDVD/cDVD page.

DVD Samples, DVD-SVCD Samples

how to make a such and download a DVD Sample including a DVD-SVCD

DVD Trailers, Dolby Digital, DTS, THX Trailers and some other DVD VOB Trailers

To play the DVD Trailers on your computer use WinDVD and just open the VOB file.

If you would like to burn the VOB Trailers on a DVD you can use Ifoedit to author trailers on a DVD or demultiplex the VOB and then author with for example Spruceup or any author tool that support Dolby Digital(AC3) or DTS.

DVD-SVCD Samples, NTSC and PAL DVD-SVCD samples.

Technical Info for DVD-Video

PAL

Video:
Up to 9.8 Mbps* (9800 kbps*) MPEG2 video
Up to 1.856 Mbps (1856 kbps) MPEG1 video
720 x 576 pixels MPEG2 (Called Full-D1)
704 x 576 pixels MPEG2
352 x 576 pixels MPEG2 (Called Half-D1, same as the CVD Standard)
352 x 288 pixels MPEG2
352 x 288 pixels MPEG1 (Same as the VCD Standard)
25 fps*
16:9 Anamorphic (only supported by 720x576)

Audio:
48000 Hz
32 - 1536 kbps
Up to 8 audio tracks containing Dolby Digital, DTS, PCM(uncompressed audio), MPEG-1 Layer2. One audio track must have MPEG-1, DD or PCM Audio.

Extras:
Motion menus, still pictures, up to 32 selectable subtitles, seamless branching for multiple storylines, 9 camera angles. And also additional DVD-ROM / data files that only can be read by computer DVD drives.

Total:
Total bitrate including video, audio and subs can be max 10.08 Mbps (10080 kbps)

* Mbps = million bits per second
* kbps = thousand bits per second
* fps = frames per second

For more technical DVD-Video details read the DVDDemystified DVD FAQ section 3.4 or the mpeg.org DVD Technical Notes.

NTSC (NTSC Film)

Video:
Up to 9.8 Mbps* (9800 kbps*) MPEG2 video
Up to 1.856 Mbps (1856 kbps) MPEG1 video
720 x 480 pixels MPEG2 (Called Full-D1)
704 x 480 pixels MPEG2
352 x 480 pixels MPEG2 (Called Half-D1, same as the CVD Standard)
352 x 240 pixels MPEG2
352 x 240 pixels MPEG1 (Same as the VCD Standard)
29,97 fps*
23,976 fps with 3:2 pulldown = 29,97 playback fps (NTSC Film, this is only supported by MPEG2 video)
16:9 Anamorphic (only supported by 720x480)

Audio:
48000 Hz
32 - 1536 kbps
Up to 8 audio tracks containing DD (Dolby Digital/AC3), DTS, PCM(uncompressed audio), MPEG-1 Layer2. One audio track must have DD or PCM Audio.

Extras:
Motion menus, still pictures, up to 32 selectable subtitles, seamless branching for multiple storylines, 9 camera angles. And also additional DVD-ROM / data files that only can be read by computer DVD drives.

Total:
Total bitrate including video, audio and subs can be max 10.08 Mbps (10080 kbps)

* Mbps = million bits per second
* kbps = thousand bits per second
* fps = frames per second

For more technical DVD-Video details read the DVDDemystified DVD FAQ section 3.4 or the mpeg.org DVD Technical Notes.

DVD File/Folder Structure Explanation:

. BUP = Backup files of the IFO files.

. IFO = The IFO files includes information such as chapters, subtitle tracks and audio tracks.

. VOB = The VOB files contains the actual video,audio,subtitles and menus.

Folder	Files	Explanation
AUDIO_TS	(undefined)	DVD Audio
VIDEO_TS	VIDEO_TS.BUP
	VIDEO_TS.IFO	The first video play item, IFO, usally a copyright notice or a menu
	VIDEO_TS.VOB	The first video play item, VOB
	VTS_01_0.BUP
	VTS_01_0.IFO	Title 01, IFO, usually the main movie
	VTS_01_0.VOB	Title 01, VOB 0, the menu for this title
	VTS_01_1.VOB	Title 01, VOB 1, the video for this title
	VTS_01_2.VOB	Title 01, VOB 2, if larger than 1 GB it will be splitted into several vobs
	VTS_01_3.VOB	Title 01, VOB 3
	VTS_01_4.VOB	Title 01, VOB 4, up to 10(0-9) VOB files if necassary
	VTS_02_0.BUP
	VTS_02_0.IFO	Title 02, IFO, usually movie extras
	VTS_02_0.VOB	Title 02, VOB 0, the menu for this title
	VTS_02_1.VOB	Title 02, VOB 1, the video for this title
	VTS_xx_x.BUP
	VTS_xx_x.IFO	And so on
	VTS_xx_x.VOB
	VTS_xx_x.VOB
	VTS_99_9.VOB	Up to 99(1-99) titles with max 10(0-9) VOB files each

Video File Comparison

Format	VCD	SVCD	DVD	HDDVD HDTV (WMVHD)	AVI DivX XviD WMV	MOV Quick- Time	RM Real- Media	AVI DV
Resolution NTSC/PAL	352x240 352x288	480x480 480x576	720x480² 720x576²	1920x1080² 1280x720²	640x480²	640x480²	320x240²	720x480 720x576
Video Compression	MPEG1	MPEG2	MPEG2, MPEG1	MPEG2 (WMV- MPEG4)	MPEG4	Sorenson, Cinepak, MPEG4 ...	RM	DV
Video bitrate	1150kbps	~2000kbps	~5000kbps	~20Mbps (~8Mbps)	~1000kbps	~1000kbps	~350kbps	25Mbps
Audio Compression	MP1	MP1	MP1, MP2, AC3, DTS, PCM	MP1, MP2, AC3, DTS, PCM	MP3, WMA, OGG, AAC, AC3	QDesign Music, MP3 ...	RM	DV
Audio bitrate	224kbps	~224kbps	~448kbps	~448kbps	~128kbps	~128kbps	~64kbps	~1500kbps
Size/min	10 MB/min	10-20 MB/min	30-70 MB/min	~150MB/min (~60MB/min)	4-10 MB/min	4-20 MB/min	2-5 MB/min	216MB/min
Min/74min CD	74min	35-60min	10-20min	~4min (~10min)	60-180min	30-180 min	120-300 min	3min
Hours/DVD	N/A	N/A	1-2hrs (2-5hrsª)	~30min (~1hrs)	7-18hrs	3-18hrs	14-35hrs	20min
Hours/ DualLayerDVD	N/A	N/A	2-4hrs (5-9hrsª)	~55min (~2hrs)	13-30hrs	6-30hrs	25-65hrs	37min
DVD Player Compatibility	Great	Good	Excellent	None	Few	None	None	None
Computer CPU Usage	Low	High	Very High	Super high	Very High	High	Low	High
Quality	Good	Great*	Excellent*	Superb*	Great*	Great*	Decent*	Excellent

kbps = thousand bits per second
Mbps = million bits per second
² approximately resolution, it can be higher or lower
~ approximately bitrate, it can be higher or lower
ª DVD with lower video quality, similiar to VCD/SVCD video quality
* the video quality depends on the bitrate and the video resolution, higher bitrate and higher resolution generally means better video quality but bigger file size

Rough It Out Camp

2005-08-18T23:31:00.000+08:00

Last weekend, My poly students, my tribe and I went to Pulau Ubin for a three days two nights camp. The purpose of the camp is for the humanitarian trip that is coming in October. But this was also a camp where everyone starts to know more of themselves better. Even for us officer. ..

The place that we stayed belongs to auntie siew eng. She was featured in the news for her home and the chicken. (If I'm correct, due to the preventation of bird flu) She had a place that was very much dedicated to crowds that were preparing for the humanitarian trips. The place was totally made of wood and a zinc roof. We had primative toilet systems. Those that you do your "businesses" and prayed that the next high tide was within the next few mintues.

It was a totally different world for both the students and me. from the concrete jungle to a real jungle. It was a bitter sweet memory for me as I used to stay at my auntie's house in a kampong (village) when I was very young and I do miss the surrounding but it was also difficult since living in a four concerte wall environment.

The group were spilt into four teams and each of us lead a group. The students have to cook for their own group and we, leaders were to eat what they dished out. I really prayed that some of the students in my team will know how to cook and thank God, there was. The food was good and I had fun eating with them.

The most important part of the camp were the sessions lead by either Kenny, Yaohan, Danny or me. It was really about letting everyone know more about each other and to realise what you are really "made" of...deep inside. This was the rare chance that I got to know each of my students better and made new friends.

I was wondering if I could really rest in this camp. But to my dismay, it was not. It was still the "sleeping at four and waking up at seven" routine. Despite all that, I still had enough energy to run around with the team and had fun cycling around Ubin. I really thought that I'm too old to do all these. Thank God my body still pulled through without any aches and pain. The worst was the mosquitoes..now my enitre body is still itching from the bites and I have many more new scars due to that...sigh...my skin are wasted...

I believed this camp had taught me many things. Things that I have not try to visit for many many years. Things that I hope that I will never used it again in order not to get hurt. Things that I never believe I could do. Will I be a better person, I hope so. Will I be more sensitive to others. I really really hope so. As for what had changed in me, that is more me to know, and for you to find out....

Will I breakdown soon?

2005-08-10T17:09:00.000+08:00

This week had been another heavy week for me (even though only three days have passed). Although I had some rest (I was sick... as usually) during my tribe retreat last weekend, I saw myself working my ass off trying very hard to complete a lot of stuffs and juggling between my work, my school work and my ministry. I had very little time in doing my personal stuff, meeting up with friends, playing pool or watching any movie and had not been having good sleep for the last few weeks. (Guys and gals, seven hour is not the issue but whether you get up refreshed, quality... not quantity)

My schoolwork, I had been having problems deciding on what topic I wish to do for my school project and had been doing some research but to no avail. It was not that I'm too smart to choose but too stupid as I realised that I'm not as computer savvy as I thought I am. (Maybe I'm as dumb as my schoolfriends think I am) Work wise was tough too. My colleague went off for her maternity leave and I'm now solely in-charge of most of her stuff. (Those that I'm authorised to do since I'm just a contract stuff) My ministry work is going on fine but extremely heavy loaded as I took over the primes website for the time being (editing photos for the website) and trying hard to settle the web, publicity and logistic teams. I realise that I really need to pen down the roles and responsibility and action plans for the student to manage; otherwise, I will have to keep taking over during major projects and end up killing myself. I pray that I will able to train up my guys so that they will be able to run this year's Sharity Gift Box 2005 with great success.

My sad first day of school

2005-08-04T23:32:00.000+08:00

Today is my first day of school for my new school term. Even though our results are not out yet. we have to start preparing our final year project. (which will be a waste of time researching if I fail my last year's exam)

The lecturer was quite a demanding but professional lady and was extremely straight to the point. It was also this day that I found out about my final year project. It was so tough that I was in total dismay after hearing it. I spent the whole afternoon trying to find a topic in the library which I could write on. But the main reason why I was sad was due to the fact that after two months, I had completely lost touch with my classmates who seems to be in contact with each other during the holiday period. The other reason was that my friend whom I respect because of his knowledge and wits was still not talking to me. (we had a dispute before the holiday and it seems it had not blown over yet....or will it ever?)

I really feel alone in the crowd...sigh...Is my work and church ministry in SP taking so much time that I'm no longer able to communicate with my classmates? Or was the damage already done when I started working and studying at the same time two years ago? Which I did not have the time and space to build up good relationship with my classmates? Maybe it was just my attitude problem...

While Kenny was leading the president's office, he came up with the questions of whether we are spending time with the students? Even though the questions was not given to me, I gave a very hard and deep thought about it. We, the officers (including me) spent many days in a week to discuss, share and even plan for primers, to the extent that we basically do not have time for anyone else. I spent so much time and effort for primers because my heart is there for the students, but it is a fact that I have neglected my other friends. The damage is severe and I can really see it. Even though we are still sitting together and eating together...I still feel left out...sigh..God help me!!!

Enrolment Service

2005-08-03T18:16:00.000+08:00

This is another one of the long awaited blog. This happened on the 3rd of July when my church was having a enrolment service for the BB GB at Singapore Expo. The place was huge. We were able to fill up the entire 8,000 capacity hall with many more seating on the floor listening to pastor's sermon. Many of our guys and gals were their first time visiting a church. But I believe most of them were having fun as most of them were dancing to the worship. The worship was mind blowing. As this is a photo blog. I will talk less.

The three sleepy guys on their way to Singapore Expo.

My church friend whom I know for more than 4 years.

We had a mini birthday celebration for July babies.Those that you see in the foreground are the July babies (except the guy in white, he is trying to be a conductor of the choir. kekeke.

My yellow group.

Some of the other groups.

The entire SP. Primers

This is entire group. Here is Danny and Eve tribe plus the primers that they are in charge of. (Big right ?)

After that, we went for lunch at bugis. A photobefore the food were served.

And after that, my group have the infamous "Zhong Ji Mi Ma" again. I think this game will be our group top game played in an outing. The picture shown above is the forfeit.

Below are all the pictures of my member's face who got the forfeit but before taking it.

Shen Long got it twice. This is the final forfeit so the ingredients were increased. Look at the expression when he took it. I had to stop before any chances of having to send him to the hospital due to food poisoning

Singapore Fireworks Festival 2005

2005-07-27T14:13:00.000+08:00

Schedule of the Singapore Fireworks Festivals 2005 are out!!!

Intel Pentium XE 840 & Pentium D 840

2005-07-27T13:57:00.000+08:00

Hi guys and gals, this is an article that I saw in hardwarezone on the new Intel dual-core processors. I think it is quite comprehensive. Do check it out.

It is the patients that really matter

2005-07-18T14:18:00.000+08:00

This blog is written before my posting of pictures on my SP.Primers Enrolment service as it has been irritating me.

It is on the issue on NKF. I have heard a lot of stuff regarding Mr Durai, his pay, his bonus, his golden tap, his lawsuit, people abusing the NKF staff, "damaging" facilities and withdrawing their donations.

Before I say anything, I just want to tell you guys that I am not taking any sides but just pointing out what I feel is correct.

In most papers and friends that I talked to. All I heard is "why is he being paid so much?" "$25,000 salary for a CEO of a non-profit organisation (NPO) and a 12 month bonus?" "Are all our money donated going into his pocket?" I would like to ask: What is your problem with his pay? Does it not justify his position? So what if it is a NPO? Does it mean that he should not have this kind of pay scale? Put yourself in his shoe? If you are a CEO and I tell you this: "Sorry sir but we are a NPO, can we pay you $5,000 and maybe one month bonus? We are unable to pay you more as we are afraid of being reprimanded by the public?" This goes the same for all the professionals, be it nurses or admin staff. Do you wish to be underpaid for the position that you hold? Think about it. If he spent 37 years practising law, $25,000 a month is peanuts. I do not think anyone would want to work for the organisation.

His bonus, I must say it is a bit over-doing it, especially if it is every year. Once a blue moon, I really do not mind since he did help to turn NKF to one of world best dialysis centre over 37 years. And I repeat 37 years!!! Do you think that you can put up with so much nonsense every year from the public and the pressure from the government (maybe) and still lead a company for 37 years? You really need a strong will to even survive it, let alone running it for so many years. Well, we should not comment on the bonus, as I believe it is approved from the board of directors and maybe was even subjected to the government. And that, we really do not know, therefore please do not keep harping on the bonus as not all facts are laid out on the tables.

His golden tap, he should not have done that. Case closed

His lawsuit, his problem. No comments.

Spraying paints on NKF facilities and abusing NKF staff and withdrawing your donation? I do not why the public is doing that? Do you think that venting anger on them and withdrawing money will help solve the situation? Do you know what most people are doing are only giving more pressure and concern to the patients? We are here to HELP the patients. Some people think that 30 years of reserve is more than enough. Do you know that most people need dialysis for the rest of your life? And 30 years is on the current amount of people and expenditure of medical bills and rents. With Singapore expenditure getting more and more expensive. 30 years of reserve maybe totally used up in 10 years, who knows?

Guys, I know it is wrong what the upper management had done and I believed that they are getting reprimanded in one way or the other. Can we try to salvage the situation and continue to help the patients? Everyone errs, but we need to solve it, fine-tune any incorrect policy, get wiser about it and move on.

Please, I repeat, the main gist of all these is to HELP the patients not cause more harm.

Guo Jun's Birthday

2005-07-09T10:13:00.000+08:00

This is a long over due post...sorry guys, was really really busy.

After we ended our POC camp, My group and I headed to Clementi's MacDonald's
to celebrate Guo Jun's birthday. Shen Long and I went to buy the cake for
him while the rest of the group members tried their best to distract him.
When we arrived with the cake, he was pleasantly surprised.

Here's the cake

His Happy Face!!!

Who ever thought that we sabotaged him in MacDonald's"

After that, we played "Zhong Ji Mi Ma" It the kind of game where if you get
the correct number, (from 1-100) the person would have to eat some cocktail of
food...trust me, it does not taste nice at all!! Here are some of the pictures
of the gals in my group having this delicacies.

Citra (See Juile's face smirking?)

Maybeline (See Juile's face at the back? The horror in her expression...but she would had her chance soon...kekekeke)

And since she was one of the few who added a lot of different mixture of
food, Should I say that she is taking one of her own medicine?? Muahahahahahahah!!!

Primers Orientation Camp (POC)

2005-06-29T09:14:00.000+08:00

Last Friday was my Primers Orientation Camp (POC). I was told to lead a group a few days before the camp. After hearing that, I was quite worried as it was the very first time that I had to do ice-breakers and really take care of the students without a co-leader like the year before. And because of that, I spent the next few days before the camp doing some serious research on how to engage my people.

With much assurance from Yao Han on Thursday night, I was prepared for the camp. But it wasn’t really going as well as I hoped on D-day. On Friday morning, I got up with my neck hurting again and my injured finger giving me problems. Besides that, I had to rush from work in the afternoon to bring my mum to see a doctor before rushing back home to pack my camp stuff and then rushing off to Singapore Polytechnic (SP). In between these, I was quarrelling with my mum over some issues and the Mass Rapid Transit (MRT) was having problem, giving further delays in the timing to all destinations.

By the time I reach SP, I was totally tired and brain dead. But like they say, the show must go on no matter what were the consequences. I thank God for my group though. Although it was tough at the beginning, my group was really really fun and the members made my weekend. Although I was not playing much game with them, I tried to stay with them as much as possible.

Just seeing them having so much fun and how Danny lead this camp really put back the spirit in me on why I came back to SP to serve as an Adult Volunteer. It was just to nurture them and bring out the very best in them and with that, let them fulfil the dreams that they always want with their own strength.

Soon to come, Guo Jun's birthday celebration

Readiness of Singaporeans

2005-06-23T21:36:00.000+08:00

I had been very very busy for the last two weeks. It was also one of the reasons that I had not been writing my blog. I had been having a bit of problems trying to settle down with so many things at hand. I just got a job and had been hectic running around for my ministry in church at the same time. Besides that, I hurt my finger during my church family camp. But something came up yesterday that really took my attention and made me put my things down to write this blog....

Earlier yesterday morning, as I was on my way to work, I was listening to my radio. Tuning to my favourite station, Class 95FM. I was listening to a topic that was discussed by the DJs, the Flying Dutchman and Glen. The topic was about a small fire that broke out in Plaze Singapura Shopping Centre. Even though it was just a small fuse that caught fire, the shopping centre's security evacuated the people. What was funny then was that:

1) the people at the basement did not budge after listening to the annoucement of evacuation as they were having their dinners.

2) One of the customers actually demanded to have all the shops to be re-opened (it was around 2030 hrs singapore time) while the advertised closing hour was 2100 hrs.

I actually laughed it off and started my work day. The problem arised later that afternoon when the fire alarm in my building went off and we were told to leave the building. What amazed me was that instead of everyone moving off quickly, some people actually questioned was it just a fire drill. And the worst thing was that less that half of the population actually came down. This really made me think, "Are we too blessed that nobody in Singapore take anything seriously apart from just earning money and trying to be the best?" "Do we really need to have a 9/11 in Singapore just to wake up everyone's bloody idea of what really consituted as an emergency?"

Everyone reading this blog, wake up your bloody idea please!! (this is the first time I am making such a remark in my blog.) We are truly blessed in almost everything that you can think of. We do not have any war (yet), no terror attack (yet) and we are totally sheltered from any natural disaster. Maybe it is because of this that we are really taking everything of granted. Next time, when anything happens, be it a fire drill or a small incident. Please take it seriously. We do not need another hotel collapse or a sinking ferry to remind us that when an annoucement is made or a situation arises, we should get into action and do the appropriate task to lessen any damages. (be it valuables or lifes)

PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE

Finally updated my bios

2005-06-15T21:27:00.000+08:00

I have a lot of things to share in my last two weeks, but I had been very busy due to my computer. Before I do any back posting, just wish to declare I finally updated my bios after one and a half hours!!!

My motherboard's bios had been giving me problems. It keeps giving me "...running in fail-safe mode...." As I had never tried updating bios before and my motherboard is not MSI (which have automatic bio updating), I was very much afraid in trying on my own to update it. After weeks for reading up, I got to know that my bios version was in 2002!!! And the latest version for my motherboard is 13/04/2005!!! With that, I finally picked up the courage to try it on my own.

This is how my story goes:

I went home prepared to download the new bios file and create a boot disk. After I finished downloading, I realised that I was not using a floppy but a zip!!! Went back to the web, did some research and downloaded Iomegaware to see if I could make a boot zip disk. Unfortunately, it failed. Got pissed off, I decided to see if I could boot up using a CD. I made a bootable disk, changed the configuration of my bios to have it's first boot disk to CD-ROM and inserted the CD.

It ran smoothly and went into DR-DOS, I tried to change the directory to my CD-ROM drive, but found out my keyboard was not working. I thought to myself, maybe it is running via a CD, it is unable to detect the keyboard. And so, I finally went around my house to search for a floppy drive. Thank GOD it was still with me, i opened up my casing and tried finding the cable to the floppy. Went searching for 5 mintues and still unable to find one of the cables.

Went to my instruction manual and found out that as I was not using a floppy. I did not have the cable attached to the mother board!! Went back to search for the cable and got it fixed. I turn on my computer and found out that my computer could not detect the floppy. Feeling very sick due to food poisoning. I went to ask my brother for help, I got scolded for doing this on the weekday before he came to take a look. He just took out the IDE cable of the floppy and turn it around. It worked!!!

With that, I finally formatted my floppy, copied the files to it and used it to boot up my computer. But the keyboard did not work again. Took another few mintues thinking the problem through. I finally tried changing my keyboard. As my new keyboard uses a USB, I went to search for a PS/2 keyboard. I plugged it in and it worked. After that, it went on smoothly. I was so happy. Restarted my computer and it came out "CMOS RUNCHECK ERROR". Feeling very very very sad, I just followed the instruction from a paper I printed out. I switched off the power, changed the jumper to clear the CMOS (for a minute); then I placed back everything and turn it back on. It still gave me that error message. I did not bother about it and reconfigured the bios and restarted my computer. Finally it worked and everything went back to normal. Praise God!!!

After writing this blog. I'm going to meddle with either my registry or my dvd burner and see if I can increase the performance of my computer. I hope I will not get BSOD (Blue Screen of Death - word came from Bernard)

Small upgrades

2005-06-06T00:29:00.000+08:00

Today was a good day for me. Finally had the chance to go watch star wars with my church friend. But the best thing was that I finally had some new stuff for my PC. I got a new keyboard, mouse, speakers, headphone and microphone and 50 DVD-Rs for me to burn!!! yeah!!!

SP Primers CCA Fiesta

2005-06-03T11:33:00.000+08:00

After my last paper on the 31st of May, While most of my classmates and friends went off the celebrate, I went back to Singapore Polytechnic to help out with the Primer's CCA Fiesta. The fiesta started from the 30th of May till 3 of June. But we decided to end our booth on Wednesday as we were too tired after the first three days.

This is the banner that we made for the CCA Fiesta

This is the main party, they were at the booth everyday, despite having classes

We gave out calendar name card and other stuff like lollipop, cheese balls, balloons, pens.

We gave out sculpturing balloons too!

We also had some photo displayed of last year's Cambodia Trip

And videos too (Done by Kenny)

And me being interested in how these balloons are done. I asked Daven to teach me. With his tutoring for 15 mins of so, here is some of my products

And one of my princesses asked me to do one of her, Nice?

In the end, the recruitment exercise was a great success! we had 357 signup for SP Primers. We were overjoyed but we know that the days ahead will be long and tiring as we will try our best to make sure all of them will stay in Primers for good.

Blogs that is about me - part 2

2005-06-02T16:45:00.000+08:00

I was quite sadden by the fact of me getting hate blog and spent some time pondering while waiting for the doctor to get myself fixed. but I'm really glad that my friend did that hate blog. If he didn't, I would not have known my flaws and would not have the chance to amend it.

I'm not a very good person at a first place and many comments have been said about me. Things like proud, anti-social, tactless, talk too much, know it all, action warrior and talking too much crap have been on me in different phase of my life since I have been on this blue planet. I have my own priniciples and it seems that it does not get along with the entire world. But selfish is the first time, though shocked but I will try my best within the next three months to do something about it and hopefully get some results.

I was quite amazed by the people who have pass those comments. (NOT my friend who did the blog, he heard it from the others. he is a very nice guy and very frank in telling me everything that I'm wrong about) Some people are able to hate me and still talk to me if nothing have happend in our classes. As this world evolve, many are able to wear different mask from different occasions...scary....

Lastly, I'm a very tough and unfinished piece of wood and I have taken many many years to chip off the bad pieces. I would still be as bad as the old days if not for these people who are willing to pass comments on me and allow for me to change....and I will try my best to change.

Blogs that is about me

2005-06-02T11:56:00.000+08:00

I have now realise that I have some blog topic about my character. Those who want to know about it. please follow the link below:

Mumblings & Ramblings.....

Maybe you readers will have some comments too after reading it....

(I'm open to comments...hit me if you readers want to)

Hui Wen's Birthday

2005-05-26T22:05:00.000+08:00

Yesterday after my ISDM exam, me and some of my friends had a plan to celebrate one of our youngest friends, Hui Wen's 21st birthday. Below is the photo blog:

We gathered at pasta Mania at Tampines Mall, preparing the stuff so that we could give our birthday girl a
surprise.

Eileen, Elizabeth and Mun Kit waiting for Hui Wen to arrive

Bernard and Elizabeth had to rush down to get this cake before Hui Wen arrived.

Here she is! Our Birthday Girl!

Her Birthday card....

and present from all of us. (there were a few more present from the individuals)

After our meal, our good friend, Bernard did us the favor by helping us to cut the cake. (but ended up
short of a piece!!!)

What an unlucky day!!!

2005-05-26T00:30:00.000+08:00

Today is the day when I had to make the tedious trip to Singapore Expo to have my ISDM exam. But today did not seem to be a good day for me...sigh

0500hr
Got up really early to study but ended having a headache and went back to sleep again.

0630hr
Took my shower and was preparing myself some cereals. Ended up pouring too much both the cereal and milk and created a big mess on my kitchen floor.

0710hr
Went down from my flat to hitch a ride from my friend. As it was still dark and raining, I tripped and fell.

0715hr
As it was pouring, tried to open my umbrella and used a bit too much force...and broke it. Had to make do with it and ran to the cab and got myself really wet.

1115hr
An hour plus had gone by during my exams when I started to have my fever and had to excuse myself for 15 mins while vomiting in the toilet.

1645hr
Went to nokia care centre to try to get my mobile phone fixed. Waited for 45 mins and was told that I need to send it in for three days. Had no choice but to take it back as I do not have a spare phone.

1730hr
Went to Kinokuniya bookstore to get my favourite comic book, but it was sold out.

1930hr
Damn depressed with myself, went to meet up with some of my pool friends to shoot some pool. But lost most of my games.

2300hr
Really really depressed, tried to call up a friend to chat but my friend is not free.....

0000hr
Reached home and sleep...hoping for a better day tomorrow.....

The last day of D-day

2005-05-24T21:11:00.000+08:00

Today is the very last day of my hardest paper, ISDM. I have been revising for this paper from the month of March and to my horror, I was unable to remember anything, and I say once more, ANYTHING!!! I was getting very very very stress up as the day went by and I said to myself: "What a not wonderful world"

And the stress level eventually took the better of me, Ended up quarreling with Bernard as he was chatting while I was trying to concentrate on studying. Even Isaac was shocked seeing this. I tried my best to cool off and resumed studying. But it was really not possible, I took a short nap and decided to go out alone for a while. I went to Bukit Timah Plaza to shoot some pool and at the same time, collect back my student card as I left it there on Sunday. Did not really play well along but some young guy came to challenge me, Won all my games and taught him some tips on playing.

At least something good happened at the end of the day, had a call from my old company and was offered a four motnhs work contract....

Airport

2005-05-23T09:01:00.000+08:00

Today is a public holiday. As my school and all the regional libraries were closed. Me and some of my classmates decided to make the long journey to the airport to study. I was very very tired that day due to the big walk the day before. But I still try my best to make my little body push that very extra mile. We managed to find some seats at Burger King in terminal 1.

But luck was not on our side. We had two adults and two teenager girls coming in and talking loudly and their discussion were on filming. I began to chat with Benard, asking him: "Porn Flick? Why are they make those young girls dressed like that?" But it ended up more like making a story about a girl called Xiao Xue...Any resemblance to anyone??

I was very happy as they left after an hour and there was peace once again. As we were studying, we had the chance to see many different walks of life in the airport. Had some interesting incidents but apart from that, it was getting noiser as the time pasted by. We ended up leaving early as I started to get sick once again, having fever and vomitting...sigh...I really do not know what is really happening to my body....have to see a doctor after my exams.

The New Paper Big Walk

2005-05-22T20:46:00.000+08:00

After my last big walk in 2003, I was finally able to get some friends to have this 10km walk with me. Had to got up by 5 so that I could prepare myself. I was supposed to meet Yong Chin at Buona Vista at 6:15am so that we are able to have breakfast at Geylang. But, like usual, he was late. When I called him at the designated time, he was still sleeping!!!! Therefore, I ended up waiting for him. Sigh....shouldn't have gotten up so early...

After our breakfast, we went to the National Stadium, by the time we were near there, the event had already started. We ended cheating by joining the crowd at the 2km mark...hahaha..but still, the walk was fun, had fun chatting and cracking jokes and the rest of the 8km walk wasn't as tiring as before. but all of us were very tired by the last km. We could really feel the ache at the sole of your feet.

The event was fun but I had to leave immediately as I needed to return back to school to prepare for my exams. But sad to say though, As I was getting ready to make my way to school, my friend, Benard called me, informing me that the school was close...again!!! This is the second time that the school is closed when the notice beg to differ. Sadden, I decided to went to shoot some pool. And finally had the chance to beat Isaac...yeah!!!

NP CCA Day

2005-05-22T12:12:00.000+08:00

On the 12 of May, while I was busy studying hard for my exams. I came to know about Ngee Ann Polytechnic having a CCA day. Therefore, I went down after my lunch to support my primer guys and girls. And with my little camera phone, here are some of the actions taken.

Here are some of the posters telling what can of activities we do in primers...

Here are the pamphlets..

The students all geared up to recruit new members!!!

Ming Zhen giving her signature pose...

Eric not doing his work...looking at girls....

Jasmine and Zulia working hard....

And POP! here comes Hui Lin, helping them...

While the rest are out there recruiting, here are the few heroines doing the logistic...
Wai Wen concentrating is cutting out alphabets for the poster..

And Reily looking tired after the whole morning...

That's all folks!!!!

Exam Stress

2005-05-17T13:13:00.000+08:00

Been a very long time since I have been writing my blog. Have been mugging very hard day and night (8am to 8pm) for the past few months. Life have not been very easy for me though. Despite the will to try to keep my body engine running, it have been letting me down. Within these three months, I have been getting migrianes, flu, fever, vommting, tummyache, rashes and many other stuffs...sigh...

Life have been especially hard last week as it was the final strech before the start of my exams. My grey matter do not seem to like to remember stuff as what it use to be in the past. Had a hell lot of problems just trying to remember a few pages while in my poly days, remembering 25 pages of notes is ok to me. Now, 5 pages is the limit. Maybe I'm really getting very old. sigh...but I am still pushing my body to the limit, something I have never done before for my exams.

While in the midst of the preparation, I have also been watching anime and playing games in between my hourly breaks. Some of you may think that I must be too free to even find time to do all that, but I think these are the few little stuff that is going to keep me sane. The little games that I play on my handphone in my breaks is to switch my brain hemisphere so that I will not feel sleepy. The animes that I'm watching is to keep me from thinking of my subject while I'm at home. (I even dream of my subjects)

Yesterday was my first paper, did very badly. I really hope that I will pass. A bit sad though that I have spent so much time and effort in preparing and yet I might fail. Just had a chat with my mum, told me not to worry as I can just retake it next year. First time that I hear that from her as I usually get scolded for getting anything less than a C grade. Maybe she finally understand how hard have I been studying....then again, let's wait for the results in Sep and see her reaction....

I will have two more papers to go, one on the 25 and the other on the 31, both morning. Do keep me in prayer ok?

Changing your destiny

2005-05-10T00:55:00.000+08:00

I was talking to my friend while having dinner today, was talking about what life is all about. He have been saying that he have led a hard life since young and this destiny of his would continue till adulthood. Being a christian, I told him that I would reject that, somewhat of intervening his curse on himself.

Our words that come out from our mouths are very powerful tools. This maybe the reason why words like "praise", "curse", "slander", "accused" were created. These are words that have impact on other peoples' and one's own life. That is why certain words can even get you into trouble with the Law.

I felt quite sad when my friend is so pessimistic. Everything that I tried to console him got rebutted. Can't we fight for our own dreams? Must we really just accept who we are and what is offered to us? Why can we always look at the brighter side of the darkest side. When he told me that he led a hard life since young. I thought to myself, can anyone go through life much worst than me? People aren't able to see who I was in the past. What they see or know are just my outer shell, covered with branded clothes and high tech toys. Most guys only know that I have worked from a very young age and that is my past that most people know. The only few that know the real me are my two ex-girlfriends and my current church leader.

I may tentatively have a good life. Not really worried about not having food on the table, regardless how little it was in the past. I may have achieved a lot of things in my school days and work life. I do not have broken or problematic family which some of my friends do. But all these are nothing if your emtions and thoughts in you are always hurt, depressed, sad. What is the use of having such a nice outer shell while you are struggling to get a grip of your inner being?

But all being said, should not put you down. I went through hell and back. I know what most people go through despite me always being a clown, dumb ass or a bragger in front of people. I have been trying to change my destiny and pursue my goal is life. I always tell myself and even given this few words to my friends in different situation:

"It is never about how you start the race, but about how you end it"

I just pray that people will fight for their dreams. I have lost too many friends in this battle.........

What girls want??

2005-05-05T22:32:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: Got this from my friend, not from me. Just wish to find out how true is this? Do leave your comment to tell me if this is true or not. (Don't tag, leave a comment)

A point to note....

11.05pm, guy and gal were chatting happily, when guy uncontrollably yawns

bad example
============
gal (sounding out): you feeling sleeping??
guy: yeah, tired from work...
gal (sounds concern): ok, shan't disturb u, go and sleep lah guy: ok, you have an early nite too.. guy hangs up the phone.
5 min later, phone rings awaken by the phone rings,
guy: hello?
gal: .............
guy: who's this?
gal (feeling unjust): you felt very bothered by me is it?
guy (confused): huh? what?
gal: .............
guy: why? what happened?
gal: you find me very bothersome is it?
guy: bothersome? why you said this??
gal: ..............
guy: what's the matter? how i would know if you dun say it out?
gal: we are chatting halfway, and you yawn, and went off to sleep...
guy: b...but, you are the one who ask me to go to sleep...
gal: you already said want to sleep already, what else u want me to say?
guy: haiz... if you wanna chat, just say so... what for tell me to go sleep, and feeling unhappy in the end?
gal: since when i'm unhappy?
guy: isn't this unhappy? ok ok, i won't sleep the next time, will that do?
gal: what's the point? i want you to chat with me willingly, and not because afraid that i will be unhappy...

in the end, guy spend another hr comforting gal, actual sleep time is 11.40pm, plus the earlier argument, he did not have a good sleep. what worse is the gal may argue with the same thing again the next day.

good example
============
gal (sounding out): you feeling sleepy?
guy (tired vocal, but sound interested) : abit, tired from work. but you have not finished talking, carry on, i will be listening.
gal (felt consoled): orh, but since you are tired, go and sleep then (still sounding out)
never fall into the trap and hang up the phone
guy: there's no afternoon break today, indeed more tiring. how abt i give u a call tomorrow morning. let's chat awhile more ok? (tells the reason, and offer make up measure)
gal: oh ok. go and sleep now, you must be tired. gal is willing to let guy go sleep, but guy must do a bit more than this
guy: so what time you are going to sleep?
gal: not sure, probably a bit later.
guy: ok, but not too late, not good for health. i will be heart pain one hor...
gal (feeling loved): ok lah...
guy: i love you the most! (even if eyes are shutting also must remember to say this impt words, else all effort wasted)
gal: i loved you too, have a good rest! (happy till can float liao)
guy: ehmm...
gal hang up the phone

in the end, 11.10pm. guy sleep peacefully, and probably a morning call from gal the next day...

conclusion 1: female wants feeling and care. most of the time, female's logic cannot be figure out with a reasoning mind.

conclusion 2: say a few more touching words, concerning lines, will save you more than ?hr of precious time

conclusion 3: when encounter the above situation, must always let the gal hang up the phone first. else it will be disastrous...

conclusion 4: if your gf isn't like the one in the example, then congrats to u! treasure her! but if otherwise, dun accuse her of being unreasonable. what she wants is very simple..

Still Sick

2005-05-05T21:59:00.000+08:00

Even as you are reading this blog, I am still sick. Been vomitting since tuesday. Finally gave up and went to see a doctor. Was told that I had too much gastric juices in my tummy. Was given three days of medication and told that I can only take soft food. No oily, fried, baked, spicy, coffee, tea and carbonated drinks. (Sounds like not eating for the next three days is a better option) The sad thing is that if I do not recover by the third day, I will be referred to the nearest hospital to go on drip...sigh...why?! why?! So guys and gals, please pray for me as you are reading this. My first exam paper is on the 16th and I really unable to afford to waste anymore time on such illness. (Wish to have more time studying)

I would also like to take this opportunity to give thanks to those who kept my mum in prayer yesterday.

Danny, Kenny, Lionel, Shi Xiong, Yao Han, Yong Chin and Hui Qun. Thank you very very much from the bottom of my heart for praying for my mum.

Bad Week... (Part Two)

2005-05-02T22:20:00.000+08:00

Life for the second half for the week had not gone any better, Apart from the three days, two nights camp, everything had gone from bad to worst...sigh...why is this happening to me at this point of time when I am so near to my exams and am so poor...

Thursday: Fell sick...

Went to school early to study but realised that I'm sick, Had no mood to eat and keep having tummy ache...Ended up finishing my studies in school earlier than expected...

Friday - Sunday Morning: Sickness subsided a bit......

Did not go to school as was preparing for my primers camp. Was in charge of logistic for the whole camp, therfore busying buzzing around, making sure that everything was going as planned. Had little sleep for the two day, and because of that, my worst and haunting enemy came to visit me again...migraine....

Rest of Sunday:

The itch on my hand came back again. Managed to stopped it before I went out to play pool for a while. But just as I reach the pool hall, I fell sick again. It was much worse this time. my migraine came back, started vomitting and tummy ache. And if though my life is not going through enough of a bad patch, my pool shaft was a bit warped (just a bit), my blue-tooth head set broke and my computer is running in fail-safe mode....

Monday: Still sick...

As I'm writing this now, I'm still very sick...resting at home...just watching some anime to pass time....but I promise myself that I must make sure I get up to go to school to study regardless what condition am I in (unless it make me bed ridden) as my exams are less than 14 days away.

I just hope that this coming week will be better. I'm already very very sad that all these happened to me in just a week. I technically lost almost $600 because of my cue and head set. And if my handphone and computer goes "kaput", I'm going to lose $3000 in less than 8 months since I bought everything....sigh....please don't....

Bad week....

2005-04-27T20:44:00.000+08:00

Mood for today : Sleepy

Have not been writing my blog for a few days. Sorry for the guys and gals that have been coming faithfully to read my blog, but the last few days were quite bad. Life had been very "exciting" for the past few days

Sunday: Bad bad day...

I decided to go to school to continue with my revision. (Like real, ended up giving myself more trouble...) Decided not to have my breakfast, thinking that my school's "cafe" will be open. To my horror, it was not and I ended up waiting for my friend's lecture break so that I could "rob" some buns to satify my hunger. Had that and went to the washroom to wash my hands. Trying to have some soap via the soap dispenser but ended up getting something black and sticky on my hands. And because of that, my hand started to itch and man, did it turn red. Got some medication and the itching stopped.....for now.

Monday: Things just got worse...

Managed to get myself out of bed before 10am despite sleeping at 3am the day before. Went to school to attend my revision class. Then my hand started to itch again, this time, it got worst as it spread to my entire arm and I could even feel pain when I'm walking under the sun. Ended up having to leave my class prematurely and getting my spiritual father to rush down from his work to send me to see a dematologist.....sigh

Tuesday: Worse still...

Went to school for my revision class again, and because of that, I had to have an early dinner so that I can take my medication. And boy was the medication strong, I became very sleepy and muddle-headed. Went around in this frame of mind till class started and not even realising that I lost my medication!! Man, I got really pissed and did not know what the hell is going on since Sunday. Thank God that my hand was healed the very same day, and I did not have to bother to go back to the clinic to ask for more medication....

Today: back to normal?

Got up late again to go to school to revise. Ended up reaching school almost around 10am. Waited for my classmates for lunch and ended up having a heated debate about christianity. (no thanks to xiaxue) Had some comments that my blog is a bit too wholesome and bit boring. (I will try to change, I promise!) and ended up spending only two hours studying...man, I really hope I can be more productive tomorrow, otherwise I can "packet" some of my subjects to the next semester.....sigh...

Tomorrow: ???

A lesson to be learnt - true story

2005-04-21T21:46:00.000+08:00

Once a upon a time, in a small part of Singapore, there was a young man who was preparing for a jog around his estate. He was not a very active man and hardly exercise after his army days. Therefore, he convinced himself that he needed to start having the habit or running so that he could lose some weight. While he was jogging, he saw a middle-age man jogging not much in front from him. Telling himself that; "Ai Yah (Man), this old man cannot run so fast want lah. (an expression) I will cut him off and show him who's the boss."

With that kind of mentality, he sprinted across the man. To his disbelief, as he pass the man, he saw that he looked rather fit. But as he was sprinting, he started to slow down soon after. Little does he know that this man knew that he was intentionally cut off by this boy. But this man, upped his tempo and run past this boy, and went past him twice. (The distance covered per round was 1.2km)

Morale of the story:

Don't judge the book by it's cover. (For this, the back cover of the book).
Don't be too 不自量力 or like what they say in English,
Don't bite off more than you can chew

Ha Ha Ha! Due to privacy reasons, all name are not mentioned...